#her older albums bring me so much nostalgia from listening to them when i was little...

[fishandshesmygills]

regina spektor songs are so so special to me. every single one

[wynjournal]

Because I Want To Gush (And Be Cringe)

(This is going to be a long post, probably)

So, I more or less grew up with Linkin Park. I think I was 11ish when my older sister introduced me to them. I've said in a previous post, that LP was my first real exposure to rap, and that I'd always been more of a fan of Mike Shinoda's voice, than of Chester Bennington's. With that said though, naturally, what happened still fking sucked. But because I had some understanding of how Linkin Park was formed, replacing Chester (or at least filling his position; no one can REPLACE him) is something that I thought they'd eventually do.

Fast forward to this year when they did indeed bring on a new singer, as seen here:

I know the basic gist of the controversy surrounding Emily Armstrong herself, and I also understand the fanbase being protective of Chester's legacy. But she's NOT actually half bad. In my opinion, having listened to Heavy Is The Crown a bunch (and I DO mean A BUNCH) I think she can hold her own, and I don't believe in guilt by association. So I'm giving her a shot. And in doing so, here is where my story takes a bit of a turn.

See, I was listening to Heavy Is The Crown, right? On Spoitfy, right? And because I hadn't played it from a playlist I'd set up,when that song was over, Spotify's algorithm kicked up some random thing it thought I would also like to hear. Now, I had Spotify on in the background while I was doing other things, and so while I NORMALLY might have quickly stopped the program from automatically playing sht I didn't ask it to, I just let it go. What ended up playing was a cute little ditty called Lost In Echoes, by somebody called Caskets. And it was a pretty catchy, cool sounding thing that I think hit me in some nostalgia area of my brain, so I added it to my liked tracks.

I'mma skip all the reasons I ended up looking this band up on the greater internet, and just go the magic that is THIS video.

So, this is a video of the Caskets frontman, Matt Flood, singing the very song Spotify autoplayed to me. Yes, this video is on my blog already (twice, if you count a post I privated). Yes I'm in a period of intense interest regarding this. No, I don't care. This is a special thing, and I have some sht i want to say about it.

A day or so ago, I tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to explain to someone (my mom) who doesn't understand the use of scream vocals in music, why I find this particular performance so special. I'm hoping that people on here get where I'm coming from a bit more. But I'm going to be fairly cringe about this, so beware.

So, the album version of this song, I assume because I can hear it, has like a lot of effects added to it. Like artificial reverb or something to make everything sounds bigger and maybe more metallic (as in shiney, colder, not the genre). But this version has a rawness and a realness in the vocals that doesn't come through in the album version. There might be SOME like...reverb filter on him here, but it's not to the degree it is on the studio version. We can actually hear the grit in most of his scream vocals, as opposed to just once in one notable place on the album. And that grit does so much to make the emotions come through.

Another thing that comes across better here, and this is something I think makes the gritty screams so much more impactful, is this gentle, almost reverent, almost angelic, sweetness in the verses. He goes from this gentle, hopeful pleading, to this agonizing anguish, so seamlessly. Even his expressions exude a very believeble passion. He looks and sounds like he means It. It's utterly beautiful. Like... Caskets leans emo heavily, and this isn't usually my thing. But this one just caught me.... And it sent me down a rabbit hole.

This band is having some success but they're still small and Matt is still finding his footing as a singer and a frontman. Still diamond in the rough kind of thing. But I think he's got something special. He has something akin to Chester Bennington, and I want to see where he goes with it. He also seems like a really sweet, funny guy in interviews. White mage vibes. I wanna see where he goes. And I want more people to see this freakin video.

And no, this isn't an ad. I'm just blown away and a little bit obsessed.

[marvelmaniac715]

Why I Still Love Disney:

I know that it has become a common joke to make fun of ‘Disney Adults’, and I know that the Disney company as well as Walt Disney himself have done some horrendous things, but despite the company’s money hungry attempts to cash in on nostalgia by creating so-called ‘feminist’ heroines who merely defy the notion that a successful woman can also find love without appearing ‘weak’, I can’t bring myself to be furious with them.

When I think of Disney, I don’t think of the controversies, or the live action remakes, no, I think of my childhood. I think of lying on my living room carpet, on my side, watching Toy Story 3 twice in a row before going out and playing in the snow (sometimes, if I watch Toy Story 3 in the present day, I can still feel the snow under my fingernails as I form a snowball from the comfort of my sled).

I think of Disney Just Dance, and how I felt like such a grown up when I got to dance to songs I loved from my favourite movies with my older sister and her friends when they had a sleepover. I think of the movie Bolt, which many people disliked, and yet it was my favourite movie as a child. I could quote it to you to this very day, I watched it at least once a day (sometimes more). I knew the songs, I aced the dance to ‘I Thought I Lost You’ on Disney Just Dance, and whenever I watch it now I cry due to the overwhelming nostalgia.

When I was little, I was very sick. I almost died multiple times, and whenever I was in hospital preparing to have an operation, a terrifying thought for a small child who couldn’t quite comprehend the effects of anaesthesia, I would watch Disney movies. I watched Snow White and The Little Mermaid 2 during one of my month long hospital stays, I watched Lion King 1 1/2 shortly before going under anaesthetic to have a painful nose tube put in in order to feed me and keep me alive. I can’t remember much from those years, I wasn’t even ten years old, but I can remember the pain, the fear. When I watched those movies however, I wasn’t a sick child wasting away in bed, as pale as the sheets covering me, no, I was much more.

I was a mermaid, diving and whirling through the waves, under the bright blue endless sky (Little Mermaid 3 reference for you there), I was a brave little dog trying to return home despite all the odds, I was a friend of Timon and Pumba, laughing along with them as they recounted the events of the first Lion King movie from their perspective. The magic of those movies distracted me from the uncertainty of medical treatments, and they began my obsession with how movies are made (I spent many hours pouring over ‘bonus features’ on dvd menus).

The character I related to most was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. We were both ‘odd’ (she for her love of reading and me for my disabilities) and we both loved to read, and yet dreaming transformed us, let us escape from the ‘provincial lives’ we knew. I used to love the Disney Princess albums, growing up, especially the album from 2011 with its pretty purple cover. The song that especially stuck with me was ‘If You Can Dream’, in which the princesses assure the listener that dreaming can make anything possible. And so, taking a page from the 2010s rebranded Disney Princesses, I made sure to ‘Dream Big’.

I dreamed for better health, to not be stuck in hospital, for a world beyond the four purple-painted walls of the hospital children’s ward. And in time, my dreams came true. There’s a picture of me on my bookshelf that I’m looking at right now, and in it I’m about eight years old. I’m at Disneyland Paris, sitting with the princess Belle. In this picture, I’m positively beaming, and I can just tell you right now what that little girl meant by her smile. She meant:

“I did it, I’m like you, I dreamed big and wished on a million stars, and eventually, my dreams came true, just like yours did.”

This is all just a longwinded way of saying that, when I think of Disney, I don’t think of the soul crushing greed that ravages the company’s higher ups at this present time, I think of how happy their movies made me as a child, and how their constant advice to keep dreaming gave me the courage to keep going when countless doctors were convinced I’d never reach the age of ten. When I think of Disney - the Disney of my childhood - I think of pure joy, and it is my greatest wish that today’s children will experience another Disney Golden Age, where profit is put aside in order to create powerful, long-lasting messages of hope in an increasingly bleak world.

[wroteonedad]

2014 tumblr was the peak of the century

every day, i will always think about how life was so much more simple. and not just because i was 14 years old and had no idea how the world worked. i was completely infatuated with the culture and aesthetic of tumblr in 2014 and i would do anything in the world to bring the aesthetic back.

arctic monkeys self titled album. boxed and blk water. THAT american apparel white tennis skirt. american apparel before it went into liquidation. 'ppolishprincess'.

there is not one sentence i can use to describe this image, but this image in particular. it took me a good 10 minutes of google searching keywords such as, 'sad 2014 indie tumblr kids' before i finally clicked enough and found this again. i could write an entire dissertation on how bad i wanted to be every person in this photo in 2014. they were the pinnacle of cool to me. i know too well that with every minor inconvenience that ever happened to them, they would simply put their earphones in and stream 'ribs', and every trouble they had would go away.

perhaps it is brash and irrational to even try to say that nothing in my life could ever compare to the type of media that i consumed day in day out in 2014, but i have not felt the same happiness as i have since the days i was exposed to this aesthetic. it makes me feel nostalgic. i'm not sure if i feel this way because i'm 21 and am already going through regression and nostalgic stages,,, perhaps this is the impact from all of the covid-19 lockdowns. i am convinced i will never feel the same way about life again. i never even got to live the life i idolised online. but the whole time period shaped me into the person i am today. i think 14 year old me would think 21 year old me is the coolest person ever.

all i am saying is not only did 2014 tumblr exist, but it also had such a huge impact on pop culture. there was once a time that i thought kylie jenner was an icon. i still think kylie jenner in 2014 when she was bleaching the ends of her hair every colour under the sun and wearing ripped black skinny jeans is pretty cool. if she was british, i just know alex turner would have written a song about her. alexa chung's 'it' was such a talking point with this aesthetic, and until the day i finally purchase the book and read it, i can never say i've successfully lived through the 2014 era. last year, i ended up purchasing the primark knock off of the american appearel tennis skirt. they came back into fashion for a hot minute. again, i think this had a lot to do with many people feeling nostalgic as they were going in and out of lockdowns.

they way that 2014 tumblr romanticised smoking, listening to ultraviolence as if lana del rey was a god and using filters on vsco will forever be unmatched. i think this era is the reason why i will sit down and have a heated debate with any person that ultraviolence is actually the best album in her discography, with no real reason as to why other than i didn't let myself listen to any of her albums released post ultraviolence. i still can't skip 'why'd you only call me when you're high' every time it comes on shuffle because of the nostalgia it brings me. i wasn't living the aesthetic life the way everyone else was, i was simply behind the computer screen, scrolling endlessly on tumblr all night, reblogging all of these photos and using my tumblr as a mood board for what i wanted to be. i would be in bed listening to the neighbourhood, lana, the xx, sometimes even SOPHIE's very early stuff, i'm talking the lemonade and hard era (thanks instagram user ppolishprincess).

the music of the era is just as iconic. i dipped into this era of tumblr just as i was coming out of my 'i'm not like other girls, i don't listen to chart music' phase. truthfully, i was still listening to bastille and probably imagine dragons to some extent. and as i have gotten older, i have discovered that there was even more music from 2014 that i completely dismissed because i'm pretty certain i only listened to the same five albums over and over again. i think that's okay because i still listen to those same 5 albums over and over now.

i was going to include a screenshot that included actual things that i had posted on my blog in 2014 but i think i'll simply not post it considering i came across the blk bottles of water next to gifs of luke hemmings from 5sos. if i'm completely honest, i don't even recall being a huge 5 seconds of summer stan. in fact, the blog i ran in 2014 contains an actual SCM music player, a super savvy choice then. it made me feel like i was running a myspace in 2007, to be that annoying person that when you click on their profile, some loud music starts blasting from their page and it makes you jump out of their skin. this music player on my blog features half of marina & the diamond's discography (before she lost the & the diamonds part).

in conclusion, i miss it and i still want to be that person who was posting all of the 'soft grunge' items on tumblr rather than the person sat behind the screen reblogging it all.

[wkemeup]

Hey Kas, so I really want to give Taylor Swift another try. I've tried listening to her stuff every time she's released a new album but each time I couldn't bring myself to finish listening. It's not that I was purposely trying to discriminate against her cause of her past relationships (it's essentially misogyny in my eyes when people do that to her) it was just that the music just wouldn't flow for me? It just seemed an awkward mix of country and pop. But, I really really wanna listen to her stuff, and I'm coming to you to see what you would reccomend for me to start listening to? I think that was one of the biggest problems I had with my previous attempts, and I really wanna do this right!

So first of all, it’s ok if you don’t like her music. You’re allowed to have a music taste that just doesn’t vibe with her work and that’s ok!

A lot of my love for her is routed in nostalgia because I grew up with her albums. But I think new listeners should start with Folklore and Evermore. Those albums really capture her storytelling ability and how good of a lyricist she is. The bridge of Marjorie hits me in the gut. I could list a dozen songs from those two albums that just hurt something in my soul.

I’d argue there’s little to no country influence in her music in 1989, Rep, or Lover if that’s what your hang up is. A lot of artists change genre and I don’t think anyone has been as successful with it as Taylor. She reinvents herself with every album and writes something new. It’s objectively pretty impressive. But she was a mix of country and pop for a while! That was her whole thing. RED is a huge example of that. That album was her bridge from country into pop, so it’s going to be a little all over. Naturally her older albums will have more juvenile lyrics, but she was also much younger when she wrote them!

Idk at the end of the day, your music taste is your own! So don’t put pressure on yourself to love her music if you don’t.

[japrilsanatomy]

I will forever be a person who prefers the older Taylor Swift songs purely because of the nostalgia I get, nothing compares to it and I can‘t describe how much I love some of her songs and how they make me feel because of it. Especially anything from Speak Now, Fearless, and Red. I remember when I was three and I would play the Fearless music video over and over on my little dvd player, and how my mom would play the Speak Now and Red songs in the car over and over. “Picture To Burn”, “Our Song”, “You Belong With Me”, and “Love Story” remind me of my little living room dance parties when I would sing even though I didn’t know the words. “Sparks Fly” and “Mean” make me think of walking through the downtown area of the city where I used to live over ten years ago, too young to understand anything but fascinated with everything we passed. Her Christmas EP makes me think opening my gifts under the tree in 2010 and driving to my grandma’s house to celebrate there. “22”, “IKYWT”, and “WANEGBT” make me think of dancing through the Target aisles as a kindergartener. “Red” makes me think of riding my little scooter down the driveway and playing with the little boy across the street. “Bad Blood” reminds me of riding around anywhere in the months when I was adjusting to living in a new state 12 hours away from all of my old friends. “Shake It Off” reminds me of when my 2nd grade music teacher would play the song over and over in class and we would all have a dance party. These songs shaped my whole childhood, and they will always mean more to me than anything new she releases, no matter how good the song is. Listening back on these albums brings back memories from years and years ago, before I was even 5 years old, and somehow I still know the words to the songs I haven’t heard since the early 2010’s when I was not even old enough to comprehend the words then. Sometimes these songs make me want to cry because they mean so much to me, and nothing else really compares to them. As a 2007 baby, I don’t remember a time without Taylor Swift, and I will always associate any memory I have from my early years with one of her songs. They are so close to my heart, and anything past 1989 era really doesn't have that same effect.

[taste-in-music]

taste-in-music’s Year End Wrap-Up

Hello everybody! We’ve finally reached the end of 2020. While I’m glad to leave this miserable year behind, one of things that undeniably got me through it was the vast amount of awesome music we got. In past years I’ve made favorite album and EP lists, but this time around I’m going to tackle them all in one go, giving reviews on the projects that had some significances to me over the course of the year. I’m going to make a post for my favorite songs too, so keep an eye out for that in coming days. Now, without further ado, let’s get started, shall we?

folklore by Taylor Swift: This was an incredible year of growth for Taylor Swift. As much as I’ve enjoyed her past music, the way she constantly felt the need to address what people thought of her always irked me, (though after watching her documentary, I do understand why she did it.) It wasn’t Taylor Swift the public persona that was most interesting, I thought. It was Taylor Swift the artist, the songwriter, the storyteller. What I wanted was an album focused on that. This year, I got one, (well... more on that later,) and it’s my favorite project she’s ever done. The tales Swift spins on folklore span across love triangles, heiresses, and battlefields, and she nails each and every one. While the chilly indie-folk influence from the likes of Aaron Dessner and Justin Vernon is prominent, Swift’s warmth and charisma always cuts through the fog like a beam of sunlight. So yeah, this is my undeniable album of the year.

Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: I only started listening to Fiona Apple last year and had thoroughly enjoyed her music, but this album cemented her as one of my favorite songwriters and performers of all time. Everything about Fetch The Bolt Cutters is so idiosyncratic yet fits together in just the right way, like watching an entire house being dropped from the sky and falling perfectly into place. It is a testament to the creative process, emotional honesty, and breaking free from all the cages you may find yourself in, whether they be societal, personal, or those of your own making. And in a year that was so isolating, it felt like Apple was whispering everything I needed to hear right into my ear, just when I needed it. In short, my boltcutters have been motherfucking fetched. 

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers: When Punisher was announced, I had no clue how Phoebe Bridgers would match the quality of Stranger In The Alps. Upon first listen, I wasn’t sure she had. By the fifteenth time I was listening to this album and every lyric was hitting like Cupid’s arrow to the jugular, I knew she’d surpassed it. Punisher presents a sonic scope that both comforts and crushes all at once, like with the upbeat yet mournful horns on “Kyoto” or the cathartic swell on standout “I Know The End.” In my opinion, Bridgers is one of the greatest songwriters of our generation in the making, and I can’t wait to see what the future brings for her. She may know the end, but she’s far from it. 

SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama: This is the album I see becoming a new shorthand for the true potential of pop excellence, a cult hit that never got its time to shine but is beloved by pop music geeks to the ends of the earth, like EMOTION by Carly Rae Jepsen. SAWAYAMA so effortlessly blends diverse genres and influences like disco, nu metal, and arena rock, and it yet it remains cohesive due to Rina Sawayama’s sheer strength as a performer. She deserves a spot on the pop girlie hierarchy, and one near the top. 

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa: I really enjoyed Dua Lipa’s debut album, but even I didn’t expect her to come through with such a fully realized, consistent, downright fantastic follow up. Future Nostalgia is a pop album that feels studied, like Lipa did her research of pop’s past as she made it. The result is an album that synthesizes several different sounds under her vision, one that is always trained ahead, and it simply slaps. In a perfect world, nearly every song on this album got spun off into a hit single. 

evermore by Taylor Swift: 2020 was already my year of listening to Taylor Swift, (I went through her whole discography, cultivated a favorites playlist, and at the end of the year I was in the top 2% of her yearly Spotify listeners.) evermore was a lovely cherry to top it all off. While folklore enchanted me with its stories, evermore captivated me with its melodies. I haven’t been able to get snippets of this album out. of. my. head. for weeks now. It’s a bit less consistent than it’s older sister, (and likely to live in its shadow,) but there is still so much to love. 

I’m Allergic to Dogs! by Remi Wolf: This EP is so much goddamn fun. It’s a blend of many different sounds, indie pop, electronic, maybe hip hop, I think reggae at points? It’s such a colorful, textured, quirky listen bristling with energy and undeniable hooks. “Woo!” conquered my Summer, and months later the bridge of “Photo ID” conquered TikTok. Keep your eye out for Remi Wolf in the coming year, she’s going to make a big splash. 

Good At Being Young by Charli Adams: Good At Being Young was the first EP this year that I could not get enough of. It drifts through dreamy indie-pop sounds, with melancholic guitars and cloudy synths, and Adams has a deep vocal timbre that delivers tales of adolescent tribulations with just the right amount of wistfulness. Overall, it builds the perfect soundscape for a late-night drive.

Cape God by Allie X: Allie X has been keeping us FED with content. It seems like only yesterday that Super Sunset came out, and yet her output remains impressively consistent. This album has impressive highs, some lower moments, but the danceability, duets, and enticing darkness under its shiny pop veneer make it a record you won’t want to skip. 

La vita nuova by Christine and The Queens: Perhaps the biggest flex of 2020 was Christine and The Queens dropping a fantastic EP and accompanying short film right out of the gate. The grooves on this are infectious, wiry, and air-tight, (the Caroline Polachek feature was another added bonus,) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of emotional weight too. 

Lighter by Donna Missal: This was one of my most anticipated albums of the year, and it’s hard to determine whether it disappointed or not. I think the only thing holding Lighter back is that This Time was such a formative album for me, (my favorite of 2018, to the uninitiated.) In fact, this album flows way better than This Time, more cohesive with its storytelling and more consistent in folk-rock sound. And, of course, Donna Missal’s vocals stun on both the bangers and the ballads. 

SURF by BLACKSTARKIDS: There was no record this year that was more instantly likeable than this one. The blend of low-fi indie pop and hip hop makes for a whirlwind of sunny fun and youthful malaise that would make the perfect soundtrack for a road trip to the beach. Standouts include the opening track “SOUNDS LIKE FUN,” the chill “WIGS,” and blissful title track “MUSIC TO SURF TO.”

The Baby by Samia: I’ve had my eye on Samia since “Milk” dropped years ago. Seeing her live sparked my belief that she was an indie darling in the making, and The Baby confirmed that she definitely was. The lyrics on this album mix quiet contemplation with just enough sardonic wit and raw emotion throughout a varied selection of sunny rock bops and gut wrenching ballads. If you enjoyed Punisher, then I can’t recommend this enough.

Season 2 by Nasty Cherry: Nasty Cherry is a group that I will not stop rooting for. Their EP from last year showed their potential for nailing monster hooks, but this sophomore effort shows just how versatile they can be. This EP covers everything from Dylan Brady produced hyperpop to early-2000s reminiscent pop rock to emotional balladry, and they pull it all off flawlessly. 

A Little Rhythm and a Wicked Feeling by Magdalena Bay: This album became a fast favorite way late in the year, there is such a sweetness to Magdalena Bay’s music that makes it stick in your brain like a piece of blue raspberry bubblegum. This EP is spacey, catchy, and filled with electronic synthpop mastery, with countless catchy hooks that’ll make you feel like drifting and dancing all at once.

Miss Anthropocene by Grimes: The bubblegum bombast of Art Angels fully redefined my taste in pop years ago, so I was fascinated to see how Grimes would follow it up. On Miss Anthropocene, she leans into darker, more industrial textures, but also anchors it back to Earth with acoustic touches and some of her most introspective lyrics to date. Grimes painted a version of a world on the brink of disaster on this album, a picture that was hypnotically beautiful. And in a year where the word was a certified disaster, that was strangely comforting.

Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus: I’ve been wanting Miley to go rock for so goddamn long, Plastic Hearts was bound to make this list by pure validation alone. But what can I say? This breed of glossy 80s rock suits Cyrus’s rougher voice so well! I hope she stays in this lane a bit longer, but as we know, she’s one of pop’s most chameleonic figures. Only time will tell. 

Where Does The Devil Hide by Zella Day: I have been patiently awaiting new Zella Day music ever since getting hooked on Kicker back in 2017, so this was one of my most anticipated releases of the year. This EP sounds nothing like Kicker, and I couldn’t be happier. It shows Day leaning even more into her influences from the past, (the 60s/70s vibes are intense with this one,) but also breathing a refreshing new life into them. 

SOUL LADY by Yukika: When I imagine the ideal of pop music, what it would sound like in a perfect world, this is what it sounds like. SOUL LADY is full of pristine, glossy production and catchy hooks that feel like they’ve come down from the clouds. I’ll admit that I can have trouble forming a connection with music when I don’t understand the lyrics, (it’s something I’m working on,) but this album cleared that hurdle with ease. If you’re curious about city pop or K-pop this is a great place to start. 

Heaven Is Without You by Love You Later: Give me lush pop production and heartbroken lyrics finished off with a heaping helping of nostalgia and I’ll eat it up with a spoon. Love You Later has been feeding my addiction to this genre for years, and this latest helping is particularly sweet. 

IN A DREAM by Troye Sivan: Troye Sivan has always supplied the bops, but it was about time that he started experimenting with his sound a little bit more. This EP offers some harder-hitting electronic textures, but also the addictive hooks that’ll keep you coming back for more.

Ungodly Hour by Chloe X Halle: These women are so TALENTED! If there is any word I’d use to describe this album it would be “effortless,” the harmonies, grooves, and chemistry between Chloe and Halle feels so natural and free-flowing. Charisma just rolls off of them in droves, I see full-blown stardom and several Grammys in their future.

Watching You by Robinson: This EP was one of the first on this list to arrive this year, and it still hits months later. Robinson’s confessional lyrics work wonders over the buoyant pop grooves, and “Don’t Say” remains one of the best pop songs of recent years. 

Manic by Halsey: I respect Halsey for dipping her toes into a myriad of different genres, (synth pop, rock, hip hop, and acoustic balladry,) but it does make for a jumbled listening experience. Still, I appreciate that this album features some of Halsey’s strongest tracks and writing to date, offering greater experimentation and emotional imtimacy than album’s past. 

We Don’t Stop by Aly & AJ: Should this count? It’s more a compilation of their past EP and singles... I don’t care, I’m counting it because there’s some new stuff too. This is an excellent display of Aly & AJ’s pop prowess in recent years, the hooks, vocal chemistry, and shimmery production are undeniable. 

Under My Influence by The Aces: The Aces returned in 2020 with a more laid-back, groovier record than their debut, exploring a wider variety of sounds. They’re as magnetic and likeable a group as ever, each member giving it their all, but I think I’ll return to the debut more often. 

Strangers/Lovers by Dagny: I’ve been anticipating a longer Dagny project, as she’s been drip-feeding us singles for a while now. This was a lot of fun, with Dagny pairing her upbeat earnestness with stories of romantic tribulation. While the hooks aren’t as memorable as her past offerings, there is still so much to enjoy. Lead single “Come Over” and “Let Me Cry” are my favorites.

DUALITY by Tatiana Hazel: I came across this via recommendation on Tik Tok and it’s a solid pop record! The music is swooning, synthy, and tinged with disco and Latin influence. The record doesn’t waste a second of its runtime, clocking in at less than half an hour and grooving the whole time.

After Hours by The Weeknd: The sonic palette of After Hours is so engaging, a neon-drenched blend of synthwave, electropop, and R&B. I’ve always felt lukewarm on The Weeknd’s musical persona of brooding, villainous party monster, so the strongest moments on this album tend to be when he subverts that in some way. Still, in full, this album is an undeniable force of smash hits, stadium-shaking ballads, and cinematic flair. I can’t wait for his Super Bowl performance. 

Petrol Bloom by LAUREL: It’s no secret that this year was chock-full of 80s revival albums (there’s what, five others on this list?) LAUREL wasn’t an artist I was expecting to go in that direction after the brooding folk pop of her debut album, but her deeper timbre works great alongside the synthy soundscapes. 

positions by Ariana Grande: I’ve just come to expect that nearly all of Ariana Grande’s albums are going to be growers to me. My first listen to positions was underwhelming, but the songs have grown on me more and more. This album feels like being let in on a giggly, fun slumber party with Grande and her friends. I wouldn’t call this her strongest album by far, and while I tend to prefer when she favors the more powerful parts of her range, (and her enunciations could still use some work,) there is a lot of good material here. 

THE ALBUM by BLACKPINK: We may just have to stan. I checked this out after watching their Netflix documentary, and while this breed of cacophonous, in-your-face electropop isn’t something I can listen to all the time, the hooks and charisma are undeniable. It certainly makes me feel like a bad bitch whenever I’m working out. 

Kid Krow by Conan Gray: Conan Gray burst onto my radar offering dreamy tracks rich with teen malaise and suburban restlessness, and a good amount of that initial appeal carries over onto this album. Kid Krow has both a larger instrumental scope and more stripped-back moments. In the end, it still feels like Gray is finding his voice as an artist, but he's giving up great bops to jam out to as he does.

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams: Hayley Williams is one of my favorite vocalists, so seeing her venture out for a solo project was exciting. This album offers a mixed bag of danceable jams, emotive moments that showcase Williams’s powerful voice, and a few skips. But overall it showcases Williams’s strength as a performer as she tackles her past with vulnerability and versatility.

Apart by LÉON: Oh, man. This one was kind of disappointing. For context, LÉON’s self-titled debut was my favorite album of last year. This follow-up is by no means bad, but every song on her first album was instantly memorable. This one, not so much. LÉON’s vocals are beautiful, and there are some stand-out tracks, but I don’t see myself returning to this nearly as much. 

Blush by Maya Hawke: Maya Hawke’s Blush was to my 2020 what Tōth’s Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary was to my 2019, (and that makes sense, as they’ve collaborated in the past.) This album is so blissful and nonchalant, and Maya Hawke has a gentle, soothing voice that feels wise beyond her years. While the writing isn’t as hard-hitting as, say, the Phoebe Bridgers album, sometimes I just want to listen to something that could rock me off into a dream world. If you like folksy, down-to-earth ballads, you’ve got a solid collection of them right here. 

Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen: Of course Queen Carly would pull through with B-sides for Dedicated, did we expect anything less? Jepsen’s brand of controlled yet carefree shimmery poptimism drenched in 80s nostalgia that never fails to put me in a good mood. This album has some lusher, more tropical instrumentation than Dedicated proper, but works great alongside it.

Missing Person by Kelsy Karter: To the Plastic Hearts fans out there, your homework now is to give this record a listen. This rock album presents pop hooks, but a lot of reckless rock fun too. Kelsy Karter has so much irresistible swagger and carefree spirit as a performer, speeding through the emotional highs and lows like she’s burning rubber in a cherry red Cadillac. 

how i’m feeling now by Charli XCX: I’ll admit, this album was a bit abrasive to me on first listen. But tracks like “anthems” and “forever” made me return, and it’s a huge grower. If you listen closely, you’ll find the sugary-sweet hooks and relatable sentiments nestled deep in the crunchy hyperpop textures, begging to be discovered and eventually loved. 

Jaguar by Victoria Monét: If you enjoyed positions, then check out the debut from one of that album’s most prominent co-writers. Jaguar’s concise collection of silky R&B slow-burners show that Victoria Monet’s is a superstar in her own right. 

Some great albums I listened to that didn’t come out this year: Blue by Joni Mitchell, BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA by BLACKPINK, I Need to Start a Garden by Haley Heynderickx, Plastic Beach by Gorillaz, Out in the Storm by Waxahatchee, 7 by Beach House, Dummy by Portishead, Lovers Fevers by Babygirl, and Red by Taylor Swift. 

Whether you liked, reblogged, or commented on a post, sent me an ask, or interacted with this blog in any way, thank you so much for all the support throughout the year! I can’t express how much I appreciate it. 

What were your favorite albums from this year? Did I miss anything? Send me an ask and let me know. I’ll tell you my thoughts, or put it on my to-listen-to list if I haven’t heard it. 

Here’s to 2021! May it clear the extremely low bar set by this year. 

[devotedwaywardangel1]

Nostalgia

Dean x Female Reader

Fandom: Supernatural

Word Count: 2133

Warnings: Cancer, mentions of assault 

A/N: For @dontshootmespence​‘s 8K angst challenge the prompt was Cancer hope you enjoy.

~~~~~~

Sam was in the library typing away on his laptop in search for a new case. However the quiet tapping was interrupted when Dean's phone went off playing Bohemian Rhapsody, there was little hesitation for Sam to pick it up. “Hello?”

“Sam? Hi! It's (Y/n).”

“(Y/n)! It’s been a while you want me to grab Dean.”

“Yes please.”

Sam got up and walked to the kitchen where Dean was scoffing down a sandwich he held out the phone for Dean to grab. “Its (Y/n).” 

Dean choked snatching the phone bringing it up to his ear. “Hi, are you okay?”

“I’m perfectly safe but I need you to come to Dallas hospital ASAP.”

“What’s wrong? I’m on my way.” Dean started to panic, as he gathered essentials.

“It's easier to explain in person.”

“Ok I’ll be there soon.” He hung up.

Zipping up both of his backpacks he rushed to the garage to get to the Impala. “Sam!” He yelled.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to Dallas, don’t know when I’ll be back, call if something happens.” Dean rushed out leaving behind a confused Sam.

He started up the engine in the Impala and quickly got on the highway going as fast as the speed limit allowed him, hoping it would take little over eight hours. She said she was safe so he could afford the luxury of not breaking any highway codes. He thought back to the day he and (Y/n) first met.

He had been fifthteen when yet again his father dropped him and Sam off a Bobby’s house. Sam greeted Bobby with a hug and wandered off to read the extensive collection of books the house held. Dean hugged Bobby tightly. “How are you?”

“I’m good Dean, I’ve got a few new cars in, would you like to help?”

A small smile graced his face. “Yes please.”

“You know where to go.”

Dean walked round to the garage only to see a pair of denim covered legs under a red and white 1969 Chevrolet Camaro Z28. Unsure of what to do he coughed. Startling the person as there was a thud and a painful groan. Rolling out from under the car, Dean saw that this was a girl around his age hair messy and grease on her nose. “What the hell dude, you shouldn’t startle a girl under a car!” She glared menacingly at him.

“Sorry.” He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and got up, wiping her hands on her tattered jeans. Walking up to Dean extending her hand to him. He shook it, she had a good grip on her he thought. “What’s ya name, freckles?” She grinned cheekily.

He snorted. “It’s Dean, greasy.”

She let out an amused laugh. ”Okay then, Dean, I’m (Y/n).”

At that Bobby walked in. “I see you two have already introduced yourselves then.”

Dean sighed remembering how content he was back all those years ago. She gave off a contagious feeling of home and safety. Sam didn’t know this but that had matching tattoos done when they were eighteen. As a promise that no matter how far they drift apart they would always be there for each other.

They had told Bobby that they were going into town for supplies, it wasn’t exactly a lie they were getting supplies as well so they were bending the truth a little. Both newly adults had already chosen what they were having. He had chosen a long sword, because he thought it was cool and had always seen himself as a fearless knight. (Y/n) on the other hand had decided to go with a heater shield design, she said it was to represent victory and protection. “Besides a lot of knights that used longswords had a heater shield seeing as we are a pair it made sense.” She spoke enthusiastically. 

Dean tried to wave it of as it seemed stupid but he could help agreeing with her assessment. It became apparent early on in their friendship that (Y/n) had a habit of analysing everything. Sometimes it helped on hunts when she was an excellent strategist but it was like she couldn’t turn it off, yet Dean had the habit of shifting on his feet because of the nagging feeling that he may have to fight at any moment. So he really couldn’t complain they were just the by-products of being hunters from an early age. 

He had decided that he was going to go first based on the logic that he is older. Creating a rise out of (Y/n). “You’re older by two months seriously it hardly counts.”

Dean laughed. “Yes it does, besides I beat you here.”

“Okay.” She huffed playfully.

Dean had the longsword tattooed on his left calf while (Y/n) had the heater shield tattooed on he upper right arm. 

That was one of the best days in Dean’s life, funny how something so frivolous could mean so much to him. But it did, they were best friends til the last shots fired. Though they dared dream that they grow old and end up playing poker at some old folks home when each other’s kids visit them with grandchildren. Of course Sam would be there too, it was one hell of a dream that’ll never be true. 

Then he thought about the first time she saved his life.

They were twenty three and it was a ghost hunt, simple enough but it was a big thing to the two amatuer hunters, their parents letting them go their own way even if it was for a little bit. They had figured it all out relatively quickly. The spirit had been a man by the name of William Brookes who had been killed over two decades ago by a woman he was attempting to assault and he had been killing women who fit her general description. Once the ghost had found out that they were doing and started to retaliate. Dean decided to distract the ghost by firing rounds into its ecto-mist composed body. While (Y/n) doused the bones with petrol and salt. Dean was thrown back by the spirit and he couldn’t get to the shotgun quick enough, he closed his eyes thinking that he was going to die until he heard (Y/n) shout. “Oi bitchface.” Successfully grabbing the ghosts attention as she flicked the match on top of the corpse.

Causing it to shrivel up and burst into flames. Dean let out a breathy laugh in relief. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

A couple moments of silence past. “Burgers and beer?” He asked, reaching for her hand.

“You know me so well.” She helped him up.

Dean parked the Impala and ran into the hospital, the journey had taken around eight hours to complete, and to the front desk causing the receptionist to jump. “Sorry, my friend (Y/n) (L/n) is here and I would like to see her.” There was no room in his tone to argue even though he wanted to be somewhat polite. 

The receptionist looked at him sympathetically as he called a nurse over to take Him to the patient.

“She said you would be here, follow me.” She had a sad look in her eyes.

He followed her to the elevator, hands in his pockets as they went up to the third floor. Dean didn’t want to make conversation he just wanted to get to (Y/n). Why was it taking so long? 

As soon as the elevator dinged Dean tried to get the nurse to hurry up but to no avail. Eventually the nurse stopped and whispered mournfully. “She’s in there.” 

Dean rushed in but stopped dead in his tracks as he saw her, heart shattering at the sight. She was deathly pale compared to her natural complexion, practically had no muscle even with her experience hunting, eyes dull but still held hope in them, she no longer had any hair. He wanted to scream and cry about how frail she looked but a lone tear shed itself instead. She smiled kindly. “Hiya freckles.” She spoke so quietly Dean almost couldn’t hear her.

“Hi Greasy.” He choked a sob as he reached for her hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you sooner but I knew you would of done something stupid.” She held his hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb.

“Don’t apologise, you’re right I would have.” He confesses.

“A part of me didn’t want to tell you at all, but I wanted to spend my last day with you.” She admitted solemnly.

“I know, but you of all people have the right to ask this.” He caressed her cheek gently.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“This is the only place I should be sweetheart.”

“Do you remember our first kiss.” She reminisced softly.

“I’ll never forget.” He smiled 

They were seventeen and sitting on Eastwood’s, (Y/n)’s Camaro, bonet listening to the Ultimate Queen album. Looking at the waterfalls glisten as the sun was setting at Falls Park, eating pizza and drinking cola. Neither of them thought of it as a date when they decided to go out but it's funny how things turn out when one looks back on memories. 

Love of my Life started to play, igniting something within the pair of them, but it was Dean to talk first.

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, nearly nervous.

It wasn’t his first kiss, nor hers but this was (Y/n) and he desperately didn’t want to wreck the only sturdy friendship he had.

“Of course.” She smiled blushing ever so slightly.

He placed his hand on her cheek and brought her close to his face as they gazed into each other’s eyes. (Y/n) momentarily bit her lip, a nervous habit of hers. They leaned in further before Dean initiated the kiss which was chaste but passionate he wasn’t holding back. She put in an equal amount of care and love into that kiss. 

Both wished it would never end. But like all good things in the lives of hunters it never really lasts.

He looked at her lovingly. She went serious for a moment. “There are a couple of things that I have to ask of you.”

“Anything.”

“No soul-selling, no spells and no voodoo shit okay.”

He hesitated. “I promise.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.” He sighed.

She smiled sadly at him and kissed his hand. “The last thing I would like is for us to watch the sunset one last time.”

“We’ve got half an hour until then.” He kissed her forehead.

She smiled radiantly at him as he went to talk to the nurses. All of them were more than happy to help out, naturally they all loved her. Dean had never met a hunter who could speak ill of her. 

She was in a purple sundress and brown leather sandals when he came back picking her up bridal style and carried her to the roof where there were a couple of blankets and some cola. “Oh Dean, thank you.” 

“You’re very welcome, we’ve got fifteen minutes until sundown sweetheart.” He placed her on the blanket.

He got her to lean on him as she no longer had the strength to sit up by herself, he pulled up a blanket over their legs. Arm wrapped around her to keep her warm. She wasn’t much of a talker so most of the time was spent in a blissful silence. The fiery orange sky reflected beautifully in her eyes and she smiled softly feeling her life slipping away but she wasn’t scared, only worried about the ones she was leaving behind but she knew they’ll be fine she was sure of it. 

“Everything is going to be okay, Dean.” She whispered.

“It would be better with you.” He held her tighter.

“Not much I can do about that.” Her voice was becoming weaker.

“No…”

“You know the funeral arrangements.”

“Yeah, we’ll hold it at your safe house in Wyoming.”

“You keep Eastwood but I swear if anything happens to him you are screwed.”

Dean laughed slightly. “Thank you.”

“I love you.” He breathed

“I love you too.”

Dean kissed her, it was short and sweet full of regret for what could have been. The tranquil silence took over again. He manueved them to get (Y/n) between his legs and placed his head on top of hers.

It was another fifteen minutes until the last breath left her body, in the arms of the man she loved. Dean knew almost immediately as he let himself cry, heartbroken sobs was the first thing the nurse noticed as she came up. She stood there waiting until she felt that she could console him. But right now she let him mourn.

[hazinhoodies]

If You Love Something… (H.H)

A/N: This is from a request i got super long ago. like over a year ago long ago.  I will say that it is much better than it would’ve been a year ago so to that anon that requested this, if you still follow me, here you go. also this is my first Harry fic i’ve posted.

Warnings: So much fluff bro. all fluff. so soft dude.

Word Count: 3.4k

Request: Fluff Harry request you were best friends, and ended up falling for each other but never told one another. Your friendship faded as time went on and then one day you saw each other and a spark flew between you two and you accepted the feelings you both denied since you were younger

Summary: If you love something, let it go. if it comes back...

Harry flips through the photo album. One of the ones that his mum kept on the top of the bookshelf in the living room. The albums filled with years of photos that only collected dust until one of three things happened. One: Someone comes home with a new girlfriend and mum wanted to embarrass them. Two: Family comes over and they want to reminisce. Three: Blackmail. Which happens to be exactly why Harry has the album sat in his lap, flipping through the pages. He’s looking for a very specific photo. One of him and Sam when they-

The thought completely slips his mind, no longer important once he glances past one photo. He double takes back to it and is filled with a sense of nostalgia and comfort. A comfort that almost immediately dislodges itself in his stomach, flipping around to a feeling that he can’t quite place. One he hasn’t felt in a while but leaves him yearning for some sort of resolution to rid him of the pit that’s formed in his stomach.

Harry couldn’t have been older than nine in the photo, if that. He’s wearing a superman costume and giving a smile to the camera, holding his pillowcase in front of his legs. You stand in a similar position next to him. Dressed as Violet from the Incredibles and giving the camera a big and bright smile even though you’re missing a tooth. He knew this photo existed, he remembers taking it. His mum has stopped the two of you on the porch before you left with his dad to go trick or treating. He didn’t know about the one after it.

Your arms are wrapped around shoulders in a hug and Harry can see in the photo that he’s trying to turn to hug you back, the photo had only been taken too soon to see the full hug. The third photo is still on the porch, but now he’s holding onto your hand, pulling you down the stairs as you wave bye to his Nikki. The last one in the set was later that night, in the living room, the two of you sat right next to each other with all of your candy dumped on the floor in two separate piles in front of you. Harry leans over you to grab something from your pile while you notice the camera and show yet another toothless smile.

Harry continues to flip through the book. Hoping for more photos of you. He hasn’t seen you in so long and these photos are bringing back so much, almost too much. He passes more photos, noticing how the two of you get older as they go on. More ones that he had no idea they were ever taken. Plain old boring ones, one of you studying and him with a textbook open on his knees. One of you laughing, your eyes squinted and hand covering his mouth. One where you’re both sitting on a couch, your head in his lap. A similar one but this time his head is on your thigh and your hands are in his hair. You must have been fifteen. The two of you, on the couch, asleep. Textbooks discarded. His arms around you, your head resting his shoulder, your hand on the other and his head resting on top of yours. Wonder of why his mum saved these photos pass his mind but they’re gone as fast as they came when his eyes catch three more photos.

You’re sixteen. Harry would’ve been seventeen in a week. Nine days to be exact. This day is so vivid in his mind still. The photo shows the two of you hugging, his face buried in your hair, fingertips turning white from pulling you into him so much. He didn’t want you to go. That was more than obvious. On the same front porch from the Halloween photos but this time Harry was in socked feet and his pyjamas, meanwhile you were fully dressed. The second photo is from the same hug, arms still wrapped around each other but the two of you lean back to look at each other. Harry breaks at the photo. He remembers the tears that slipped down your cheeks and how you shook in his arms, partially from the cold February air and partially from trying to control your own breathing. You’d nearly forced your parents to take you to their house before you moved away for who knows how long. It was only nine thirty in the morning when you showed up, knocking on the door until Tom had opened it. You didn’t even have to say anything before Tom told you he’d go get him. Harry has started down the stairs calmly but when he saw you nearly crying he had sprinted down the rest of the way, almost tripping over his own feet before wrapping you in a tight hug. It lasted for six minutes and thirty nine seconds. Still wasn’t long enough. After the six minutes and thirty nine seconds were up, that was the last he’d seen you.

The third photo was you realizing that there’s a camera nearby, wiping a tear away and sending a smile towards it. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Harry was still hugging you. The photos had come full circle. Back to you and Harry. On the porch, in a hug.

Harry is pressing his hand against his mouth, sliding it across his face and wiping away a tear that hadn’t yet fallen. He was never a crier but you were his best friend. He doesn’t really know when the two of you had stopped texting but it had happened. It hurt to let you go. You never knew, or maybe you did but he never told you, that he loved you. But he did. You were his first best friend, other than Sam of course but he doesn’t count in the same way. It had never really gone away. The feeling of comfort that settled in his stomach whenever you were around. Or the way his heart would go just a little bit faster any time that you put your head on his shoulder or how he got inexplicably angry whenever you were upset.

Harry shuts the book, giving up on the photo he had originally been looking for. He replaces the book and starts to head back to his room, passing Sam on the way.

“You alright, mate?” Sam stops Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder as he passes by. Harry turns around.

“Yeah, ‘M fine” Harry lies through his teeth. Sam doesn’t buy it though. First of all, he’s his twin. He knows when he’s lying. Second of all, Harry’s a ginger, and he can’t hide the blotchiness in his face even though he had hardly teared up, his complexion has betrayed him.

“What happened?” Sam questions him further, not accepting the answer he’d gotten before. Harry looks at him, trying to convey that he doesn’t want to answer. His message gets through to Sam but it’s only returned with a ‘tell me what’s going on’.

“I just found some old photos is all. Ones of me and Y/N” Harry admits, feeling his heart sink when he says your name. The full feeling of missing you, wanting to hug you again, feel your hair tickle his nose, and hear your laugh when he says something stupid, hits him full force now.

“When was the last time you talked to her?” Sam asks. Sure Harry had had small conversations with you, mostly just catching up but they weren’t really conversations. They were awkward and uncomfortable messages. Wanting to know how the other is doing. Every ‘that’s good’ crying out, begging for more entertaining answers. Every ‘i miss you’ screaming for anything more than small talk. Every dry message towards the end of the conversation from both of you not wanting to say goodbye to the other for who knows how long. But it happens anyway. The two of you don’t talk for a while until one is reminded of the other, not that either of you had ever forgotten. The cycle repeats.

“A couple months, maybe. But we haven’t really talked since a few weeks after she left” Harry replies, clearly upset. His throat feels tight and his voice comes out frail. Sam gets it, nodding along. “It’s not that big of a deal though” Another lie, but this time Sam accepts it, not pestering his brother any longer.

A few days later Harry sits at the kitchen table stirring the last few pieces of cereal that he hasn’t eaten around in the milk in the bowl. Sams at Elysia’s, Toms filming, Paddy and his dad haven’t woken up yet. He thought that his mum hadn’t either until she walks in and a cheery “Good morning!” shakes Harry out of his thoughts.

“Good morning, mum” The room is silent for a while, nothing but the sounds from outside and Nikki making her tea until Harry speaks up again as his mum sits at the table next to him. “Hey, mum?”

“Yes?” She responds, taking a sip of her tea.

“I found some old photos the other day,” He starts, his mother listens closely, curious as to what’s got her normally boisterous son so quiet. “Photos of me and Y/N. Why’d you keep them?” He continues, looking up at her with glassy eyes before they dart back to the cereal bowl.

Nikki knew this day would come. A day when he’d see the old photos that she had saved. There was a whole album of just photos of the two of them. It was an important relationship and one day he’d see the album. Today was not that day, and that album was certainly not the one he’d seen. She knew it’d hurt him a lot to see the photos. The wound of you leaving unexpectedly was still not fully healed even though it’s been years. It may not ever be healed but time can only tell.

“Harry,” She places her hand on the table to pull his attention back to her. “It was an important relationship. You both impacted each other so much. The memories deserved to be kept” She goes back to her tea, sipping it quietly. Harry only nodded. He’s not going to tell her how in love with you he was. She wasn’t going to tell him she already knew.

The photos didn’t leave Harry’s mind. They were constantly there, at the forefront of his thoughts nearly all the time. Along with any memory that he could pull from deep within, of the two of you.

A lot of the memories were of others' speculation. The number of times that Harry had been asked by friends if they were dating, how much Tom and Sam had made fun of him for how close you were and yet you weren’t dating. Everyone’s shock when you started dating that one guy during high school. God Harry hated him. You had started spending more time with him and than Harry and it hurt. So much so that his chest would burn when he saw you two together. It felt like it was about to cave in or explode when you laughed at his jokes. Harry remembers how he had come up to him one May afternoon. Harry had been civil with the boy throughout your whole relationship. Never saying anything rude to him, despite how much he wanted to say, but also never actively trying to become better friends with him. He’d come up to Harry after class and said something about you and Harry and hoping he’s happy. But he’d spoken so fast that that’s all Harry could grasp onto before he’d walked away.

An hour later you’d called Harry in tears saying that you’d been broken up with. Harry was there for you, he’d come over with a box of Oreos, it was all he could get on the way to your house from school, but he’d be lying if he said that the heat and stretch in his chest hadn’t dissipated at the news. The longer he sat there watching the office with you, the more at ease he’d felt.

Tom had teased that Harry was in love with you. But he always said he wasn’t. You guys were just friends. Nothing more. You both just cared about each other. Harry wasn’t in love with you. Was he?

Harry hurries home to go back through the photos, analyzing them.

Halloween. The first one both of you were looking at the camera. The second one you were looking at the camera and he was looking at you. The third he was looking at you and you were looking at Nikki. The fourth you were looking at the camera again and Harry was looking at the candy. Typical, but not the point. Studying photos. You looking at a textbook, him looking at you. Your head in his lap, watching the telly, he’s looking at you again. His head in your lap and this time you’re looking at him. A soft smile on your face as your hands pull through his curls, he can almost feel it from just looking at the picture. It occurs to him why these photos are saved. Anyone who paid the slightest bit of attention could see that he loved you, or at least cared very deeply for you. Even just from the photos, he imagines it was more obvious seeing you in person or overhearing conversations. His mum knew. And she saved the memories.

Fuck Harry thinks. He misses you. A lot. So much. Maybe he’d text you. See how things were going. But then again if he has to go through another dry conversation like you’ve had since you moved then he thinks he might combust. He’d rather not talk that have to deal with those. Who knows how much you’ve moved on with your life since then. It’s been a long time. Harry’s changed a lot, he can only assume that you have as well.

The next few days were strange for Harry. He was never one to get hung up on small things but he couldn’t stop thinking about your relationship. Were you just friends? Were you more? What exactly did he feel for you? Did you feel the same? Did you feel more?

He’d spent so much time with you that he could recite facts about you like it was nothing. He knew your favourite colour, your favourite subject and how many tests you’d ever failed. That was hardly the beginning. He knew your favourite family member, why you hated your year eight English teacher, why you and Cindy stopped being friends in year six and why you refuse to eat twisty shaped pasta with anything other than tomato sauce. And yet he didn’t know if what he knew about your friendship was entirely true, or if there was more hidden under the covers that both of you felt but neither dared to touch.

He walked into the house, shutting the door behind him as he went through the photos on his camera, deleting the ones that were absolute no’s from this shoot. He’d go through the other ones later on his computer to edit them and see which turn out better. He wandered his way up to his room, not bother to take his eyes off of his camera screen. He’d barely made it halfway through the kitchen before a laugh caught his attention over the sound of Great British Bake Off coming from the living room.

At first, he thought it was Elysia and that maybe Sam had brought her over for an afternoon but he remembers Sam telling him that Elysia was spending time with her family further north for the weekend.

Harry stops in the archway between the living room and the kitchen. Harry doesn’t believe his eyes for a moment, causing him to nearly drop his camera and for another familiar and airy laugh to float into his ears from the couch.

You.

You’re there.

You’re actually there.

Sure you look a little different. Your hair has changed and you have spots on your cheeks and chin that weren’t there when you left. But it’s you. You sitting cross-legged on his couch for the first time in years. Sam taps your knee and says something to you. You nod and then Sam stands up, walking past Harry who still hasn’t moved from his spot in the archway. Sam nods his head in your direction as he passes Harry, urging him to go talk to you.

Harry slowly walks towards the couch, taking smaller steps than any normal person would have. You laugh again, a wide smile gracing your face until he sits down across from you, your knees barely touching. Harry’s silent for a while. A million thoughts running through his mind.

Is this real? Am i dreaming? I love you. Are you actually here? There’s no way you’re actually here. I love you. Just say something Harry. God, you’re an idiot. I love you. I love you. I’ve always loved you

Maybe he did know how he felt. It just took a little longer than he would’ve liked it too. Many years too long.

“Are you real?” Harry sputters out after much too long of silence. It makes you laugh causing your eyes to crinkle and for you to lean forward.

“Yes, Harry. I’m real. I’m here. This isn’t a dream” It’s like you could read his mind. He hopes that you didn’t catch the I love you part. Or maybe he did. He wasn’t sure.

“I’m sorry it’s just been a while” Harry stares down at where your knees touch. The small amount is driving him insane, even through both of your jeans. His knee was pressed against yours. You were there. He could touch you. He is touching you.

“I know, Harry. I’m sorry” You day with a sad smile. You place your hand on his thigh and Harry felt his heart speed up. He placed his hand on top of yours, curling his fingers around to hold it and you return it.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t really have a choice” Silence settles over the two of you, for the first time in your life neither of you knows what to say but at least your together. Hand on hand on thigh and then lips on lips.

Harry wasn’t even aware that he was leaning in until your lips touched his. He pulled away almost instantly, about to spew apologies but your hand found his cheek and pulled him back towards you, lips moving against each other with years of closeted love and passion for the other. There was no turning back now. Soft lips against chapped ones, Harry let himself stop thinking for once, letting himself follow whatever felt right at the time until he was nearly out of breath and then a moment longer.

I love you.

Harry pulls away, lips red and swollen, cheeks matching in colour. You look about the same, your eyes slowly flutter open.

“Harry, I’ve loved you for a while. Since we were-”

“I love you too. I always have. I think. I’m not a hundred percent but I’m fairly certain” Harry blubbers his way through the words, making you laugh. God, he missed the sound of that. He missed the smile that went with it. Harry continues; “Certain enough to say that I did. Do. I do love you”

You don’t know how to reply. So you send him a smile before leaning in to peck his lips one more time which he returns.

“Are you staying in Kingston?” Harry asks when you pull back, your faces still only a couple inches apart. You nod and Harry lets go of your hand, instead, he wraps both arms around your torso and pulls you into him as he lies back on the couch with you on top of him. You laugh again, Harry was never tired of your laugh. He could hear it on repeat for the rest of his life and he’d never get bored of it. He presses his lips against your forehead as the two of you continue watching the telly, neither of you fully interested in the episode of Great British Bake Off that’s playing.

And when Nikki comes home and sees the two of you asleep, she finally decides to dig out that one album full of photos of the two of you.

[strangledeggs]

Strange Nostalgia For The Future – or: Death By A Thousand Taylor Swifts – or: This Is Pop?

Holy shit, when did this article get to be over 8 pages? Sorry everyone, Tumblr isn’t letting me do a cut, so this is just going to clog your feed for a while.

This began as a long-form review of Dua Lipa’s album “Future Nostalgia” with comparisons to the styles of a variety of other pop artists, but has since turned into something much broader and more nebulous. Call it my (incredibly subjective) attempt at defining a current “state of pop music” as it stands in the year 2020.

I’ll admit, I have a bias here, so I’ll lay that on the table: I didn’t particularly care for Dua Lipa prior to the release of “Future Nostalgia”. Actually, if I’m being completely honest, she didn’t really register on my radar until the album’s release, and so I didn’t hear any of her earlier songs until I spent a few minutes on Youtube scrambling to remember who she was and why this release was supposed to be such a big deal. I came up relatively empty-handed, with “New Rules” having more interesting production than anything in the way of a vocal hook and “Be The One” sounding blandly forgettable.

But music journalists were spinning this narrative that “Future Nostalgia” was Dua Lipa’s big moment, her “disco” album, her album full of “bangers” (yes, I know, that’s an archaism at this point, but what am I going to do, call them “vibes”?). We’ve seen hype like this before (at least I have), so we should always take some time when an album arrives with this much fanfare to ask that crucial question: is it justified? Does it live up to expectations?

I’m going to answer that question, but before I do, I want to take a step back and place that music journalism narrative within a broader music journalism meta-narrative that has been slowly gaining traction over the last decade. About 7 years ago (so around 2013), I wrote a guest article for the (what I assume is now defunct) blog Hitsville UK on another meta-narrative called “rockism”, by which older listeners and journalists tended to use to justify their dismissal modern pop music through the glorification of (and comparison to) the canon of rock music. This was not a unique article – many music journalists were writing about this same phenomenon that year; it will likely mark some sort of watershed moment in music journalism. Frequently contrasted with the meta-narrative of “rockism” (not so much in my own article, but definitely in others’) was a countering meta-narrative named as “poptimism”. It’s basically what it sounds like: an optimism that current pop music could be just as good as music of the past, or even better. This was, of course, already known in a lot of mainstream music journalism circles, but it did cause a bit of a stir in independent music journalism, especially since it seemed awfully hard to deny; then-recent examples of indie stars like The Weeknd and Frank Ocean* aspiring to make genuinely great pop music seemed like they were making a pretty good case for the poptimist outlook. Plus, as a new generation of music journalists raised on hip-hop began to cover the genre more seriously, it soon became clear that, given the crossover-laden history of rap, they would have to take pop music seriously too.

Needless to say, poptimism gained a lot of traction as a new paradigm, until it became the default outlook of music journalism by the middle of the decade. It has, as far as I can see, yet to relinquish its grip, and that’s not such a bad thing; arguably, a lot more women, queer people and people of colour have had their music taken more seriously since the shift. Before we get back to “Future Nostalgia”, however, there’s one more piece of this puzzle I want to put in place: coinciding with those early years of poptimism, pop itself hit a bit of a turning point in the year 2014. This was, of course, the release of Taylor Swift’s album “1989”.

What was so special about “1989”? It’s still a bit hard to answer that completely coherently, but it clearly changed the pop music landscape in meaningful ways. For one, it demonstrated that the overcoding of global pop music made at the hands of big-name producers was not just an approach reserved for the “born pop star” figures of Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. Taylor Swift, formerly a country singer with pop leanings, now went headlong into Max Martin-penned chart-topping smashes, and just like that, she had become deterritorialized. It was a huge success, and, interestingly, one of the first albums that got a lot of independent music journalists (and me) to take her seriously despite being her most overtly commercially-driven. I think this speaks to the power of poptimism in 2014 from two angles: for the journalists, the lesson seemed to be that if someone is already doing something near-enough to mainstream pop and then breaks through with a mass-appeal hit, why not see this as a kind of fulfillment of artistic intent? And for Swift, if you’re already doing something near-enough to what’s playing on pop radio, why not go all the way with it and sacrifice your country “credibility” for the ability to have hits beyond the genre-specific? “1989” marked a turning point at which pop music, formerly seen as something people “sell out” to make, became something you “sell into”, erasing a specific, localized identity that could be exposed as a construction anyway and replacing it with the ambition to conquer the ears of the masses.

I should clarify here, however: there are two possible conclusions one can draw from poptimism. The one I just documented, that pop music as a global/commercial phenomenon can be great and should taken seriously by music journalism, is the more frequently-taken interpretation, but it’s not my preferred one. I would rather the alternative view, which is that most music that people have tended to hear the last several decades, whether marked by the seal of “pop” or not, has been pop music. Rock is a form of pop. So is country, so is hip-hop, so is jazz, folk, metal, etc. We can distinguish between, say, the commercial radio pop – which I’ll from this point on designate as “Pop” with a capital “P” – and the pop tradition, but everything descends from pop tradition in the end, and Pop is just one more subgenre among many, albeit by definition the most popular at its given moment. Seeing that this is pretty indisputably true (and if you don’t believe me, you a) haven’t been reading my blog for long enough and b) have some serious research to do), we might as well take Pop as seriously as any other form of pop and subject it to the same criticisms, while simultaneously adjusting our criticisms of other pop subgenres in relation to our new appreciation of Pop. Who created the texture of this Pop song? Does this metal song have a hook? Is the phrasing in this hip-hop song conducive to its overall rhythmic feel? And so on, and so on.

I prefer this approach because it doesn’t necessarily assume a supremacy of one genre so much as level the playing field to allow for a more robust and less prejudiced criticism. It also doesn’t let listeners off the hook, as many (non-critics/journalists, most likely), given the opportunity raised by the previously-detailed interpretation of poptimism, would lazily slip back into listening to Top 40 radio without attempting to seek things beyond the charts; this alternative interpretation challenges us to try and hear the similarities between Led Zeppelin, Rihanna, Young Thug and The Clash while recognizing what each do uniquely. Unfortunately, it seems like the former interpretation has won out, at least for most audiences, and we now have a listener-base that, instead of keeping their ears peeled for next-big-thing indie groups like Arcade Fire as they might have circa 2008-2012, is content to wait for an already-famous star to drop the next “1989” crossover smash**.

This brings us back to “Future Nostalgia”, the latest in a line of Pop albums that seem primed to vy for that coveted position. There is, however, a bit of a gulf between “1989” and “Future Nostalgia”, and it’s not just because the moment of “1989” and poptimism has already happened. It’s also not because Dua Lipa isn’t “crossing over” from any outsider genre like Swift did with her move away from country – if anything, Dua Lipa is doubling down on her Pop ambitions here by putting them up-front and trying to make this album as blockbuster-signalling as possible. The biggest gulf is the musical one: compared to “1989” (and, I should add, a slew of other blockbuster Pop albums from the last decade, which I’ll get to discussing soon enough), “Future Nostalgia”’s songs are oddly lackluster.

Let’s start with the good, though. On my first listen to the album, I wasn’t completely baffled that critics were hearing something momentous in it. There are absolutely (again, sorry) bangers on this. Ironically, the two that stood out to me immediately were two that I later learned weren’t even released as singles, which might speak to the marketing team’s inability to judge the quality of the music they were handling here. “Cool”, easily the best thing on “Future Nostalgia”, rides a sort of bouncy warping of the riff from Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time” as Dua Lipa gushes about how she just can’t control herself in front of her lover; it’s sweet, both lyrically and musically. “Love Again” (no relation to the Run The Jewels song) is perhaps the album’s most explicitly “disco” song with swelling strings and everything, and expresses a similar sentiment to “Cool”, though perhaps from a more reluctant angle: “God damn,” Dua Lipa sighs in the chorus, sounding simultaneously annoyed and amused, “you got me in love again”.

The songwriting on “Cool” and “Love Again” also happens to be some of the most basic on “Future Nostalgia”; the beat loops, albeit with some nice flourishes and rhythmic quirks, and Dua Lipa cycles through a few simple melodies, the catchiest always winding up in the chorus. “Love Again” is practically a blues song with its AAAB-repeat phrasing. I highlight the virtues of this simplicity because it throws much of the rest of the album into a stark contrast and exposes its greatest weakness: many of the other songs on “Future Nostalgia” feel fussed-over and patched together out of pieces that don’t always fit, as if the several writers*** involved in these songs weren’t in the same room when the track was finally put together. The album seems to be a case study in throwing everything at the wall and not bothering to consider whether it will stick. And yet it seems to have a small army of critics defending it, even going so far as to call it the pop (or at least Pop) “album of the year” – which has me wondering exactly what all the hype is about.

“1989” has something that a lot of other blockbuster Pop albums since its release do not: a personal touch. Taylor Swift worked hard prior to that album at building her brand as a confessional singer-songwriter, and even with the big-name productions and radio-primed hits, she maintains that image: one of her biggest “1989” hits, “Blank Space”, explicitly addresses her (supposed) romantic history and relationship to the media. Elsewhere, she does some fantasizing about classic movie archetypes and the impulse to drop everything and run away from it all, strongly reminiscent of her past work. It’s not as easy as it might sound to pull off this kind of thing, and I think Swift deserves credit not just for the excellent musicality of the songs she put her voice to, but the consistency of the strong personality she built across her career (with misstep “Reputation” sticking out as the glaring crack in the portrait).

So I won’t compare “Future Nostalgia” to “1989” beyond the initial poptimism narrative it bolsters. No, “Future Nostalgia” isn’t particularly personal – its mode seems to be more in line with what Robyn was already doing a few years before Swift, anticipating a poptimism that would effectively result in her deification over the course of the 2010s. Similar to Robyn in her “Body Talk” series, Dua Lipa seems to approach “Future Nostalgia” with a kind of assumed confidence as a dancefloor queen – more celebratory than confessional.

The celebration, however, proves to be pre-emptive; “Future Nostalgia” lacks two crucial things that “Body Talk” had in spades. The first is a general willingness to experiment. Robyn’s albums were packed with silly throwaways, but some of them stuck, and the best are featured on the collected version of the album, from the Snoop Dogg collaboration “You Should Know Better” to the cybernetic-pop-anticipating “Fembots” to the sassy “Don’t Fucking Tell Me What To Do”. The title track of Dua Lipa’s album demonstrates a little bit of adventurousness, but it unfortunately flops, arriving in the form of awkward half-rapped verses that aren’t fun enough to leave a lasting impression. The only other potential outliers are the aforementioned “Cool” (which just happens to sound less disco than the rest but is otherwise a fairly standard, if well-written, pop song) and the album’s absolute nadirs, “Good In Bed” and the closing ballad “Boys Will Be Boys” (we’ll get to that in a bit). Otherwise, the album carries its aesthetic pretty consistently between tracks, giving little impression of any desire to experiment.

The second missing element is the consistency of the songs themselves. When Robyn’s songwriters toss her, say, a pseudo-dancehall song, they commit to it, making sure there are no weird melodic/harmonic/rhythmic hiccups and that the pieces fit together. And unfortunately, the majority of “Future Nostalgia”’s songs are full of exactly those kinds of hiccups and disjointed structural assemblages that leave me scratching my head. A lot of it’s subtle to the point that I can almost understand other critics missing these details, but I pick up on this stuff fast, and once I hear it, I can’t unhear it.

A lot of it’s in the phrasing; too often, Dua Lipa will go for a quick succession of staccato notes in a chorus when a simpler, slower phrase, or maybe just silence would have worked better (see “Break My Heart”, or the post-chorus of “Future Nostalgia”, in which she sings the 100% non-credible line “I know you ain’t used to a female alpha” – side note, has she even listened to top 40 radio in the last decade?). “Physical” is almost fun until you realize that the phrasing, melody and harmonic structure of the chorus would fit perfectly into any godawful Nickelback song.

Actually, “almost fun” is one of the phrases that I feel best describes so many songs on this album. Too many of the tracks set up something great only to follow through with some baffling songwriting choices. The second track in, “Don’t Start Now”, disrupts an excellently-phrased verse and infectious bassline with a chorus awkwardly parachuted in from what sounds like a 90s house song. The more in-character post-chorus that follows can’t help the song recover once you realize that it’s nowhere near as endearing as the original verse melody. That half-assed rapping makes a re-appearance in the bridge of “Levitating”, which is otherwise perfectly acceptable. If not for that moment, “Levitating” would come close to being the third pick of my favourite songs here, although you can’t fool me, Dua Lipa: I know that chorus is just a sped-up re-hash of the Jacksons’ “Blame It On The Boogie”. “Pretty Please” is also fine, funky and subtle, displaying some restraint on part of the songwriters and producers for once – though there’s also nothing about it that jumps out and grabs me. Besides the two standouts, is that the best I can hope for on this album, a song where nothing goes horribly wrong? At any rate, it’s better than the bland, shameless Lily Allen rip “Good In Bed”, which also features an utterly confounding “pop” sound effect in the chorus replacing one of the mind-numbingly repeated words.

There are some exceptions with regard to singers that can make use of this kind of disjointedness. Ariana Grande’s “Sweetener” walks a thin line, but it often pays off. See, Grande is a singer’s singer, at least by Pop standards; she’s known for crooning, for belting, for singing her lungs out. But she also wants to be a Pop icon to young people right now, and that means staying up-to-date in her production and songwriting. The trouble is, one of the most popular genres with the kids these days happens to be trap, which doesn’t exactly lend itself to Grande’s showboating vocals, favouring short, choppy phrasings and half-mumbled half-singing mixed almost low enough to blend with the music. So she compromises: some of the songs on “Sweetener”, such as the title track, have verses and choruses that feel as though they’re pulling in opposite directions, with Grande getting an opportunity to flaunt the long high notes in a percussionless section before dropping into those staccato bursts that suit the heavy 808s of trap. Despite it being more drum’n’bass/R&B throwback than trap, a similar dynamic is at play in Grande’s biggest hit from that album, “No Tears Left To Cry”. Unlike Dua Lipa’s lurching song structures, Grande’s feel intentional and thematic; the songs aren’t always bulletproof, but I feel like I learn something about her by hearing the tension of styles she’s struggling to stretch herself between. All I feel like I learn about Dua Lipa from the messiness of her songs is that either her, her songwriting team, or both are very confused about what goes into an effective pop song.

Of course, Ariana Grande is also operating in a slightly different mode than Dua Lipa in the first place: whereas Dua Lipa is engaging Pop radio in the recent tradition of satisfying formulaic hits like those of “1989”, Grande has one foot (or maybe even one and a half?) in the parallel tradition of R&B. While the two traditions frequently mix and crossover on the radio, they represent very different approaches to music whose distinction might provide some insight into why some of what Dua Lipa is trying to do isn’t working.

To put it simply, the basic unit of what we’ll call traditional pop is the song, and the performer of the song is meant to convey the essence of that song as a relatively unwavering whole – the performer is effectively the conduit for the song, which reaches the listener through the medium of the performer. The singer has some room to “interpret”, but once a given interpretation is found to be effective in its “hook” potential, it’s typically kept as part of the formalized song, written in stone, more or less.

R&B, true to its roots in “rhythm and blues” and, before that, jazz, essentially reverses this. Songs are present in R&B and not necessarily unimportant, but they typically become conduits for the performer’s own expressiveness. In this setting, the performer’s “interpretation” is actually the most important ingredient, as the performer’s style is effectively the product, the listener’s focus. This places greater emphasis on experimentation with phrasing, melody and other aspects of a song, as well as the potential differences between multiple recordings and performances of that song.

These two paradigms have consequential implications for singers of songs operating in a given mode. A traditional pop singer, for example, is going to be more likely to defer to the song as-written in their performance of it for a recording. An R&B singer, by contrast, is more likely to improvise, often delving into explorations of how to make their voice a more expressive instrument – in many cases, actually, it can be a matter of making their voice more like an instrument, full stop. The notes aren’t sung to express words so much as they are sung to express pure sound. Vocals can vary wildly in rhythm, giving off phrasings that might normally be considered unnatural, but, if placed artfully enough, can re-shape our expectations of pop music in the first place. These aren’t ironclad rules, by the way – the genres cross over frequently and the lines are often ambiguous. But I think defining the differences here can at least help us understand the split in the approaches of, say, Taylor Swift vs. Janet Jackson.

Arguably, the biggest R&B star in the world at the time of writing this remains Beyonce, and with fairly good reason: her powerful voice brings a lot to what are often already well-written songs. Take note here: something like “Formation” (which I have previously written about in my article on hip-hop’s inheritance of the post-punk legacy) or even “Drunk In Love” probably wouldn’t fly in the realm of Pop. Tracks like these are mainly embellished not necessarily with flashy songwriting or production flourishes (although they can have those too), but with Beyonce’s vocal interpretations of them, sometimes approaching something more like rapping than singing****. Note also: vocalizations in this context are given a certain freedom, a license to be weird within a certain range of acceptability. Need I remind you of “surfboard, surfboard, / Grainin’ on that wood”?

My point here is that R&B singers are playing by different rules than Dua Lipa. This isn’t just me arbitrarily deciding that what she’s doing isn’t “R&B enough” – you can here it in her approach. My criticism of her awkward phrasing is based largely on the fact that it doesn’t sound like she’s doing it to “experiment” with the songs she’s given. She repeats these phrases exactly the same way each time, as in the chorus of “Break My Heart”, just so you know it’s intentional. If she is, in fact, improvising, the songs aren’t very suited to it and her attempts are mostly unsuccessful; they become hooks that highlight their own weaknesses rather than bold forays into new rhythmic territory.

The most interesting part of “Future Nostalgia” is, by far, the backing music. Even when Dua Lipa’s singing and hooks fail, the production shines through (even here, though, there’s a caveat with regard to the last two tracks). Consider the sublimely gauzy vocal(?) loop at the beginning of “Levitating”; the sweeping disco violins of “Love Again”; the finger-popping funk bassline of “Don’t Start Now”; even the Justice-lite bass synths in the chorus of the otherwise by-the-numbers “Hallucinate”. “Physical”’s best aspect is, in fact, a small countermelody running in the background of the obnoxiously bland chorus.

This is where I can most understand what got music critics hyped up on this album in the first place: superficially, at least, it sounds pretty damn good. But I suspect the willingness to overlook its other obvious faults stems from a tendency among “poptimistic” critics to treat singers as interchangeable in a system they perceive to be dominated more by “sounds” than by music proper. In fact, the singer is a real make-or-break point in much of modern pop music (Pop or otherwise), likely due to the focal point they occupy; a great singer can occasionally salvage a terrible song, while a bad (or even just mediocre) singer can easily bring down the most well-constructed powerhouse hit.

A case against valuing “Future Nostalgia” solely on the basis of its production: the last Pop album I remember listening to where the production outshined the songwriting was Billie Eilish’s “WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP WHERE DO WE GO?” Eilish’s songs aren’t bad, and are frequently even good – but I was surprised at how conventional, or even “traditional”, most of them were. “Bad Guy” and “All The Good Girls Go To Hell” are basically jazz songs. “Xanny” and “Wish You Were Gay” (the most lyrically immature, it must be acknowledged) are pretty standard singer-songwriter fare. Others tend to play to a type: either sleepy ballads (“When The Party’s Over”) or, the most interesting songs on the album, the hip-hop influenced minimalist pieces (“Bury A Friend”, “You Should See Me In A Crown”).

But of course almost all of these songs are transformed in part by some rather astonishing production. No one who’s heard “Bad Guy”’s synth-squiggle chorus would mistake it for jazz, and the chorus of “Xanny” squirms in a shroud of distorted bass that pull back when you least expect it – hardly typical sonic territory for most singer-songwriters. Even the already-powerful “Bury A Friend” hits harder than it might have without the surging crunches it’s afforded in the production.

My point, however, is not that the production is what makes this album – it doesn’t, at least not entirely. The production is roughly half of what’s interesting here. The other half is comprised by two things: the fact that most of the songs are fairly strong already (though I think Eilish could lose a few of the ballads and come out better from it), and the fact that Billie Eilish also happens to have a very distinct vocal style. Actually, that last part alone is probably the selling point for most people: Eilish’s eerie half-whispered delivery plays more of a role in constructing her album’s overall dark mood than the production. It has its limitations, and I wonder what her future will bring in terms of her ability to move beyond the role she’s effectively typecast herself in, but it has something on Dua Lipa: it has personality.

So vocal style is important, but that’s not all: as I mentioned, Eilish’s songs are also consistently  stronger than Dua Lipa’s, even when both are at their lyrical worst. Sure, “Wish You Were Gay”’s self-absorbed whining about unrequited love and sexuality sounds exactly like what you’d expect to come from a undeveloped teenage singer. But the lyrics are the only thing wrong with that song; take those away, and the melodies and instrumentation sound pretty damn great. The same cannot be said for the overblown dollar-store balladry of Dua Lipa’s execrable “Boys Will Be Boys”, which, despite projecting an ostensibly more “progressive” outlook than “Wish You Were Gay”, falls flat on its face anyway. And I’ll take an Eilish ballad over “Good In Bed”, which sports an obnoxiously repetitive chorus – static, plastic, it sounds like a strained smile looks, desperately trying to convince you that this is fun, right?

“But wait,” you might say, “pop music is supposed to be fun! And isn’t that what most of ‘Future Nostalgia’ aspires to? Shouldn’t we forgive Dua Lipa for some of her mediocre songwriting if her goal in making us dance is at least a defensible one?”

And the answer is no, because Pop is already full of music more fun than this. The way I see it, there are several ways in which one could make music more fun than “Future Nostalgia” (better songwriting being one I’ve already discussed to death here), but I’ll wager that a fairly reliable method is that frequently employed by Lady Gaga: do something musically outlandish and downright weird.

“Bad Romance” is the obvious lodestar here, but Gaga’s career is full of the absurd: just take pretty much any song off of “Born This Way”. Even the “normal” songs like “Yoü and I” (at least pre-“Joanne”) come across as weird by virtue of being placed next to something like “Electric Chapel”. And all this is done in the service not only of raising eyebrows, but in the name of fun. Even some of Gaga’s weaker efforts like “Venus” (or many others on “Artpop”) have a winking slyness to them that lets you laugh along with her. It rarely feels like she’s “serious” when she’s singing about love, sex, or dancing all night, but she gets you dancing anyway.

“Future Nostalgia”, by contrast, has few attempts at any kind of weirdness, and those it does have fall flat. I’ve already mentioned the cringe-y pseudo-rapping, but the spoken-sung pre-chorus of “Physical” is just as embarrassing, bringing the song’s momentum (its second-greatest virtue) to a screeching halt with an awkward phrase that feels totally unnecessary. And then there’s that sound effect on “Good In Bed”. These moments detract from the album because they feel half-assed, like Dua Lipa never bothered to commit to the bit she tacked on. And aside from this, “Future Nostalgia” remains pretty conventional Pop – she’s not exactly reinventing disco here, just emulating it for a new generation with mixed results. If only she could pull a “Heartbeat” or “Love Hangover” out of her bag, but the album is so radio-oriented that the songs rarely reach the 4-minute mark even when they find a groove worth hanging on to. It’s as if she mistook the law M.I.A. ironically lays down at the end of her biggest hit for sage advice: “Remember: no funny business!”

There is one more aspect of the poptimism that helped propel this album in the eyes of critics I have yet to discuss: the paradigm’s coinciding with the recent wave (is it the fourth? I’ve lost count) of popular feminism. This was significant for Taylor Swift at the moment of “1989” because it allowed for interpretations of songs such as “Blank Space” to reach beyond a simple commentary on her stardom and discomfort with media coverage, branching out into a more expansive reading of the song as representative of the ways in which women in general are demonized for their past relationships. Feminism, as a cultural framing device, was crucial in shaping listener perceptions not just of “Blank Space”, but of many other songs on the album. It also helped to launch a whole wave of emerging and returning Pop artists’ albums and singles that traded in similar (vaguely) politically-charged lyrics.***** In the years that followed, a veritable opening of the floodgates would happen with regard to public feminist consciousness-raising, culminating in specific incidents such as the #metoo movement.

For the record, I think this was largely good. I’m under no illusion that “1989” is in any way a politically radical album, but I think the return of pop feminism has generally had a net positive influence in getting pop artists of all kinds of re-think their music’s relationship to gender politics. That being said, there are two things I resent about its lasting impact. The first is the kind of forced extrapolation of songs that bring up gender in any way into “feminist” anthems when they’re largely about relations that have little to do with the matter. One case in point might be Dua Lipa’s pre-”Future Nostalgia” hit “New Rules”; inexplicably, I often see fans trying to make the song’s lyrics out to be some kind of political diatribe about the cruelty of men to women or something like that, when in fact it sounds more like a typical “bad relationship” song, the kind that have been on the charts for decades by now.

But the other thing I’ve come to dread from pop-feminist Pop is the inevitable half-assed “message songs” that seem designed to cash in on using feminism as a signifier that an otherwise apolitical artist is still hip and knows what’s up. Whether through “New Rules” fan encouragement or her own hubris, Dua Lipa has regrettably chosen to end “Future Nostalgia” with such a song: “Boys Will Be Boys” (no relation to the significantly better-written song of the same name by Stella Donnelly). I don’t really want to write a lot about this song because part of the problem with it is that it’s bad in a lot of boring ways, but I do think it’s significant that it was singled out by several other critics (even those who liked the album) as the album’s worst song by miles. I’m hoping this shows a change in perspective here, as critics get harsher about flops like this one, and hopefully the eventual end result from this pushback is that Pop stars will stop trying to convince us they’re “real feminists” with empty songs like “Boys Will Be Boys” that are tacked on to the end of their “bangers” album as a kind of placating afterthought.

So a number of critics have indeed placed too much stock in this album: contrary to the feeling you may have gotten from my relentless criticisms here, “Future Nostalgia” isn’t necessarily bad, but I wouldn’t call it “good” either. It sits in a mid-tier of Pop albums over-enthusiastically pushed out during this era of high poptimism. It’s not the next “1989”, or “Lemonade”, or “Body Talk”, or “WHEN WE ALL ETC.” It’s just a mediocre album with a few great songs that were somehow never released as singles.

Is the inflation of “Future Nostalgia”’s reputation a sign of poptimism’s imminent bust? Are we entering a period of critical groupthink and gradual decay? These questions are too big to answer here, or perhaps at all for now (likely we’ll know the answer for sure in another decade). But I want to end this on a positive note by singling out a singer I haven’t mentioned yet as perhaps the greatest Pop artist of the last 20 years: in all these comparisons, I never got around to bringing up Rihanna.

On one hand, much of the poptimist revolution in criticism has involved taking the studio albums of Pop artists as seriously as their counterparts in other genres. On the other, Pop has never really stopped being a singles genre, and few have demonstrated this better than Rihanna. This is not to deny that she’s released some totally listenable, or even great, albums in her own right: “Talk That Talk” and especially “ANTI” stand as excellent records that came along relatively late in her career. But, well, raise your hand if you’ve actually listened to, say, “Good Girl Gone Bad”. Now raise your hand if you know “Shut Up And Drive”, “Don’t Stop The Music”, “Disturbia”, and, of course, “Umbrella”. See what I mean?

Perhaps I could blame “1989” again in part for this shift in focus from Pop singles to Pop albums. It’s pretty remarkable, after all, that the album is as consistent as it is, and I think that might have caught a lot of critics who were expecting otherwise off-guard. I think another problem, however, resides in the dominant mindset among critics in the first place, the idea that albums are the more valuable art form, the standard by which greatness is measured. Even I find myself incapable of breaking free of that format of evaluation – I’m much less likely to seek out more of an artist’s stuff based on a few great singles of theirs compared to if I hear an entire album from them that I like.

This might be slightly unfair of us critics, but there are workarounds to help correct this bias. One of those workarounds is the compilation. If an artist can make an album’s worth of great songs, but they happen to be spread across a number of their otherwise-mediocre albums, they can still win favour by collecting all (or most) of those gems in the same place, a “greatest hits” collection being the most common******. This seems like a pretty reasonable way of enjoying singles-oriented artists for those of us who are still stuck on the old album format.

But compilations have also never been as popular to review among critics as studio albums (I don’t know, maybe many feel like it’s cheating to collect the best stuff in one place?) and, as stated, it seems like poptimism’s paradigm shift has only reified the bias towards albums by putting more weight on Pop artists’ studio albums than before. Further, as compilations have started to die out (since anyone in the streaming age can assemble their own “greatest hits” playlist that will have all their own personal favourites on it), recent Pop artists often aren’t even given the chance to be evaluated at their best in a compilation format. I wonder if this is also a contributing factor in the hype surrounding “Future Nostalgia”; though it would probably be better remembered for its singles which could be collected on a later “Best Of Dua Lipa”, the fact that such a collection is unlikely to materialize pushes critics towards trying to sell listeners (and themselves) on this being Dua Lipa’s “definitive statement” and reason to take her seriously as an artist simply because it’s the most consistent thing she’s released so far.

Regardless, Rihanna is a model artist in terms of being a singles-oriented Pop singer deserving of a great compilation. If someone were to put it together, I’m fairly certain it could rival Madonna’s “The Immaculate Collection”, the former (basically archetypal) gold standard for a Pop artist’s greatest hits. Imagine hearing “Umbrella”, “Work”, and “We Found Love” all in the same place, uninterrupted by the inevitable string of lesser artists’ hits you’d inevitably hear if that place was the radio or some poorly algorithmically-generated playlist. My concern is that with the death of the compilation and shift in the expectation for the Pop artist’s studio albums to be their defining moments, such an album will only ever exist in an unofficial capacity. Which is fine, I guess – if you hate pop canon. But I don’t, so I patiently await the return of a collective memory for singles that extends beyond the radio and the playlist.

*Interesting to see how these examples have aged.

**Don’t get me wrong, I like “1989”! But its potentially negative influence will be detailed further as I continue.

***This isn’t a criticism of songwriting teams in general – certainly great songs have come out of the modern collaborative approach to pop songwriting, and I’ll get to those soon.

****And of course there’s a whole other conversation to be had about the ways in which hip-hop and R&B, formerly more separate genres, have been in the process of merging for the last two decades as performers in each have realized how much their interpretive approaches have in common.

*****It should be noted that this trend started several years earlier in “underground” and “indie” scenes and only just made its way into the Pop mainstream around 2014, but that’s a discussion for another article.

******Actually, even if an artist has only one great song, multi-artist compilations can step in to help. But since I’m focusing mainly on the respective cults of personality of specific Pop artists here, I won’t get into those. I should also add that Pop is by no means the only genre in which this happens: there are definitely so-called “classic rock” artists who I wouldn’t bother listening to outside of a compilation of their best stuff (Queen, for example).

[hermionegranger56]

ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

[chaos-and-recover]

The first 10 asks from the music meme as well!

HOKAY

1: name 11 bands you listen to regularly

AFI, July Talk, Dizzy, clipping, Bring Me The Horizon, Jimmy Eat World, Anberlin, The Rocket Summer, The Gaslight Anthem, The Used, My Chemical Romance. In no particular order. Honourable mention to my boyband loves Backstreet Boys, Take That and Boyzone. These are all interchangeable at any given time, often influenced by who just released an album.

2: is there a band with only one song you like?

‘Existentialism on Prom Night’ is the only Straylight Run song that ever mattered and it’s for the best that John Nolan eventually patched things up with Adam Lazarra and re-joined Taking Back Sunday.

3: what is a very unpopular band you’re into? tell a little bit about them

There’s so many older bands I could talk about that I’m bitter never got bigger, like my buddies in Summer Hero (they had EVERYTHING lined up and it just never happened and I’m SO MAD) or Plushgun (they were just so fun??) or Bedlight for Blue Eyes (Life On Life’s Terms is still a BOP all the way through) but like, what’s the point? So here’s a more current band who still has a shot to blow up:

My beloved CanCon darlings Dizzy. They’re very, like, dream pop, and I’m pretty sure they’re all quite young but there’s such a sense of longing and nostalgia in their music. They have a song that mentions GO Transit (for the GTA crowd lol)! They just released a  covers EP and one of the songs on it is Lucky by Britney Spears! I just love them so much.

4: name a great band you recently discovered

I think the last band I might have got into was actually Dizzy lmao and that was like a year and a half, two years ago? But I just talked about them so I’ll use this time to talk about Amy Shark, because I got into her around the same time and I also love her. She’s also very good at that whole sad nostalgia thing (you know that feeling where you have a crush on a good friend and you flirt E N D L E S S L Y with them when you’re drunk and go out of your way to spend time with them but it’s unrequited, and that SUCKS but when you do spend time with them you don’t care and you’re happy as shit until they leave? That really specific thing??? That’s what ‘Adore’ is about). She’s worked with 2/3 of Blink 182, and also Jack Antonoff (’All Loved Up’ would’ve fit on that one good Taylor Swift album). Anyway. Amy Shark. I love her.

5: which rare recording of any band would you like to possess?

Listen.

LISTEN.

In 2014, on the Australian leg of their ‘final” tour, Anberlin gave away a 7″ of ‘Stranger Ways’ from their last album as part of their VIP packages. This is the only way it was released. It is the ONLY piece of Anberlin vinyl I don’t own. It’s periodically available on the discogs.com marketplace but I cannot bring myself to spend $150+ on a single. But I need it. I NEED it.

6: is there an artist whose solo career you prefer over their work with their band(s)?

It makes no logical sense, but Dustin Kensrue. Thrice is RIGHT up my alley but I never got into them. His solo material is... SUPER Christian, but I absolutely ADORE the Please Come Home album. It’s beautiful, and it’s about Jesus, but in a way that you can ignore that, y’know? There’s no reason I should love it (or him) as much as I do BUT I DO. I JUST DO.

Also I will always love The Gaslight Anthem but I’m SUPER into solo Brian Fallon now, so.

7: which is you favourite side project by any band member?

I know you probably expect me to say Blaqk Audio or Dreamcar and you wouldn’t be WRONG per se but Loose Talk, the side project of Christian McAlhaney and Deon Rexroat from Anberlin, is SO GOOD.

8: which song do you think should everybody listen to at least once in their lives?

I’m very much stuck on this one because I can’t think of anything that, like essential? Just stuff I like a lot for one reason or another? And sometimes that’s personal so it’s not like everyone is gonna get that, but do you need a song that fits all of your angstiest OTPs in one way or another, guaranteed? Do you need a song that will make you ACHE for the fact that the duo who made it split up (romantically and as a band) and will never make another album together? Then let me introduce you to Eavesdrop by The Civil Wars!!!!

9: explain why your favourite song is your favourite song

I actually don’t really know WHY it’s my favourite song but I think the fact that I can take this screenshot is pretty telling:

Why do I have eight versions of Falling Slowly? BECAUSE I CAN! BECAUSE IT”S SO GOOD! Because the line “you have suffered enough and warred with yourself. It’s time that you won” FUCKING SLAPS.

  10: any bands you got into after seeing them live?

Yep. A ton. Plain Whtie T’s come to mind (shut UP they’re so much more than Hey There Delilah), but also The Rocket Summer, and, idk, probably more but I kinda wrote a novel here lmao.

[littleworldbigdreamsblog]

Forgive Me-Chloe x Halle (A Review)

Introduction 

I cannot describe how much I love this song and the entire Ungodly Hour album. I have replayed it countless times. So now that I have calmed down I could take this apart and appreciate it for what it is....ART. This song and video really plays on nostalgia, control and our generations idea of what a break up looks like.  

The Artist(s) 

So the first time I have ever heard or seen these beautiful girls was from Grown-ish. My friend actually described them as “little Beyonces”. At the time based on their content I agreed but after seeing what their music is like now I would say they are very different because of how much they have evolved.

So to the basics Chloe x Halle is a sister duo who have been singing since they were little kids and their range really proves that. Chloe the older of the two has a more soulful voice while Halle has an eerie, almost haunting voice. This is why their harmonies are so fire because of how different and unique their voices are. It just works! 

The song 

Listen to it here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc9Y58TeZk0

So the lyrics are so to the point where I feel everything was on your face. There weren’t much allusions and or symbolism but it was still very effective in conveying every single emotion. So the song explains being betrayed by an ex. As seen in most popular songs about exs they tend to be depressing ie see any Taylor Swift song (no shade) but this one had me feeling empowered. Like yes you lied but I can and will do better for myself. 

The whole concept of “Forgive Me” is I am hurt as it is like you wasted my time and energy but I am not going to drown in it and you are going to be mad because I don’t want you back. For instance in the chorus Halle sings “ So forgive me, forgive me/I've been going too hard in your city/So forgive me, 'cause I'm not teary/Best believe I move onto better things” So in all it is this idea of the best revenge is showing someone that hurt you or left you behind that you are happy and doing well. 

And y’all that just the chorus. 

These verses and the pre-chorus is the build up. It shows what went wrong in this relationship. I assume there was some cheating and he lied to cover it up according to the lyrics when Chloe says “You ain't gotta tell me what it is/ 'Cause I saw the messages/ You must got me fucked up”. The guy seems completely silenced by being confronted about it because he attempts to “plead the fifth” but that doesn’t even work. She is already gone! 

From the second verse also we see that it seems she knew about the affair and just watching the relationship fade. I am reminded of some people both male and female who stay in the relationship so when they break it off...they are somewhat emotionally detached. This is a means to protect yourself because it is a common thing in our generation to “win” the breakup. And maaaaan I think she won because we see evidence of him regretting what he did like in the lines “ Baby, don't you see, what you done threw away/Know it's hitting you, on the loop, on replay”. 

I can appreciate this song a lot on a personal level because after a break up while it is easier to solely slander and criticize your ex, I think it takes so much more effort to put yourself first and try to be without. I mean getting back to who you were before being in love and then being betrayed is hard but it is healthier  and more productive than bad-mouthing that ex who isn’t worth your time. 

He or she is your ex for a reason right?  

I don’t think I need to talk about how flawless the vocals and arrangement are but I still am going to. As I noted previously, their voices are very different and uniquely so. The very subtle harmonies with Chloe holding that melody and Halle doing the adlibs/ background vocals is perfect for this song and its arrangement. Now I ain’t no music major but the chords, the bass and the harmonies were so reminiscent of late 90′s and early 2000′s R&B Pop music with heavy hitters like Aaliyah, Tony Braxton and even TLC. I grew up on that music and it really brought me back to the feeling I had when discovering that music as a kid. I can’t begin to describe the type of nostalgia I felt.   

The video 

Visuals. Visuals. Visuals. My guy, the shots from this music video totally floored me. I mentioned earlier about the arrangement reminding me of Aaliyah and so did the visuals. I literally had like 3 Aaliyah videos in my head: Try Again, We need a Resolution and Are you that Somebody. This isn’t to discredit Chole x Halle’s creation, it serves to say it is so good it can stand next to Aaliyah’s aesthetic and say “hey sis” in the most loving way. I am not sure if that was their intention but it genuinely made us 90′s babies happy. 

On another note I felt like the visuals aided the lyrics. I think this is where the big brain thoughts are going to make their appearance.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER this is strictly my opinion/ 3 am thoughts based on some research.

 In the video there is a consistent theme of Chloe x Halle being these sexy dominatrices ie strong dominant women (mostly in a sexual way). Being a dominatrix is mainly about having control and calling the shots during sex both mentally and physically with the submissive’s permission and kink in mind. The reason I bring up sex is their wardrobe, lots of black leather, chains and those skin tight pants. If you see a picture of a generic dominatrix outfit it is similar to their outfits.How does this tie back to the song? By moving on and being happy that leaves them in control and that is symbolized by their clothing choice. But why would they make it sexual? Because firstly sex sells and they look amazing in leather and this general aesthetic works for them. Secondly in a break up there is a huge power struggle or dynamic and the clearest way that depicts that power struggle was from the choice of clothing and props. Does it stay very true to BDSM culture? Based on some research I did yes it does aesthetically. Relating to the lyrics of the song also yes as it focuses on having that control and existing in a newly developed power dynamic. Do you see the parallels?

Aside from the wardrobe, the overall theme was dark. Like are they really digging this man’s grave? Yes ma’am!. This shows how dead that relationship is and as much as he wants her back, she has to think about herself and her well being. That is so incredibly powerful.  

Also even from the pictures I chose, there is an underlying religious tone. What I understand from it from looking at the dance and certain visuals, it is maybe a play on going to confession. Like being happy after a break up is a sin and she should repent her sins but she won’t. She won’t say sorry for moving on. She will however say “forgive me for putting me first and not crying over you”. 

So we have come to the end and I can’t explain to you my loves how amazing this song is to me. Amidst all the chaos in the world there was a certain calm when this video and album dropped. It is inspiring to see these young beautiful black female artists communicate their experiences through art. To be honest, it kind of got me writing again and this is the product. Hope you enjoy it :). If there is anything you think should be added, let’s have a conversation, I am open to hear your thoughts. 

And please go listen to their album Ungodly Hour...it is amazing. 

References: 

Lyrics : https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/chloexhalle/forgiveme.html

BDSM info: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/working-as-a-dominatrix_n_5c66ea02e4b033a799423973

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/30/dominatrix-classes-be-more-assertive-work-and-life

https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/sex-and-love/what-is-a-dominatrix

[back-to-swift]

How I Became A Swiftie...

So, I was at this camp in 5th grade for a school field trip. I was 10. The counselors at this camp were singing Love Story the whole time we were there and I was like, ‘What is this song?!?!’ When I got home, I immediately looked it up and I fell in love with what I was hearing!! A few days later, I told my mom about this singer, Taylor Swift, and she drove me to Target and bought me Fearless. Not too long after that, she bought me the debut album as a surprise and omg I was instantly OBSESSED with both of these masterpieces!! I told all my friends and got some of them hooked! I would literally spend HOURS of my days locked in my room listening, singing, dancing, and even writing my own versions of these songs!! My whole life became Taylor! I looked up to her SO much! Fearless still holds such a special place in my heart because it was the first Taylor album that I ever listened to and the songs just bring back this feeling of nostalgia. They’re very special to me, so that album will always be one of my favs!

Fast forward to 2010 when Speak Now came out!! I was in 7th grade and that one really impacted me, as well. Junior high is an interesting stage in life because you’re trying to figure out who you are and you’re experiencing certain emotions for the first time. For me, I had this huge crush on my best friend at the time, so these songs really struck a chord with me. What really helped me through this time in my life was the prologue that she wrote for the lyric booklet. I also looked back at the Fearless prologue as well. Some quotes that stood out specifically are, “Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you’ll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones that you use to intentionally hurt someone,” and, “...I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.” Also, “There is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you’ll know it. I don’t think you should wait, I think you should speak now.” The main quote that really really stuck with me and still sticks with me to this day is, “Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else.” When I took in these messages that I know came straight from Taylor’s heart, they helped me tell my best friend, and when he didn’t like me back in that way, these words also helped me be okay with that. When he fell for my other best friend, Taylor’s words helped me accept that, too. These albums became the soundtrack to my life. These songs made me feel less alone. They made me feel like somebody got me, somebody understood exactly what I was feeling. And even though I didn’t know her personally, I knew she was there for me. That’s when I knew she would start to mean so much more to me than just a singer I look up to. She started to feel more like a friend or an older sister who had all the advice I’d ever need.

In 2012, Red was released. It was my freshman year of high school. It was a time where everything was changing. I had changed schools for the first time in my entire life and I was still desperately trying to get over my best friend. This album came out at the perfect time. Songs like I Almost Do and All Too Well made me feel, again, like Taylor knew exactly what I was feeling. It was one of the saddest times in my life for a plethora of reasons. I felt insecure, I had to come to terms with the fact that this boy would never like me and I had to watch him and feel him grow further and further away from me, I felt lonely, I was fighting with my parents a lot, and I just was not happy, at all. The first few years of high school be like that sometimes, but thanks to Taylor, I didn’t have to feel completely hopeless and lost. I didn’t really understand the album fully at the time, but the songs on it that did resonate with me became a huge part of my life.

1989 came out when I was FINALLY getting over all that sadness and insecurity. I finally found the strength to let go of that guy and I finally had a solid group of friends who accepted me and loved me for me. I was getting along with my parents and I just felt a little more free. And what better album to become the new soundtrack to my life than 1989?? An album that is literally about freedom and becoming comfortable with where you’re at in life. Another reason why I loved this specific era was because it was the first time I ever got to go to a Taylor concert!! I was absolutely in love with the songs on 1989!!!! I went to the San Diego show with my best friend. We were at the very top, but it was truly one of my favorite nights ever. It still is to this day!!! I had just started my senior year of high school when I went to this concert. I was also new to the Tumblr scene and other fans inspired me to do a project. I cut out probably 100 colorful hearts and I brought them with me. When I got to my seat, I passed them out to people around me and I told them to hold them up during Clean. I wanted to show my love and appreciation to Taylor through that. I seriously can’t thank her enough for writing, “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything.” That quote is exactly what I needed and it became my life motto! That night was so special and it’s one I’ll never forget.

Now, let me talk about reputation, which is personally, my favorite album ever!! I was a sophomore in college and omg, I was absolutely completely in love with everything about this album and this era!!! I still am!!! When Look What You Made Me Do dropped, I was driving. I blasted it all the way home and I swear, I SCREAMED every single time I listened to, “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead!” I am not kidding you!!! I was OBSESSED and also SHOOK. I was blasting it in my car outside my house and my mom came out and was like, “What are you doing?” And I told her that Taylor Swift just released the greatest song ever!!! When the whole album came out, my best friend and I filmed our reactions to every song. We screamed, we cried, we fell on the floor, we laughed, and we smiled. We still watch those videos and die laughing at ourselves being so shook every few months. I was fully immersed into this era because it was different and it was dark and sassy. 

When I first heard Gorgeous, I felt like the Taylor Swift entered into my mind and wrote exactly what I was feeling and how I acted whenever I liked someone. It was seriously so accurate, I was actually scared like WHAT?!?! Did I meet Taylor and tell her about my life and I just don’t remember or…??? Anyway, this era is special to me because I got to see my idol from the front row for the very first time in that whole decade of loving and supporting her. We got to our seats on the floor at the Pasadena show, but we couldn’t see ANYTHING because these tall guys were in front of us. So, my friend went over to the Shake It Off B-stage and asked security if we could stand there. Sure enough, she told us we could!!!! So we got to be front row!!! And I was on the edge right where there was a little opening for her to come out and go to the other B-stage. So, after that set, right before Blank Space, she walked right next to me. And I mean, if I reached out my arm, not even halfway, I would be touching her. Of course, I was too in shock to do anything, but holy shit!!!! THAT was the most iconic moment I’ve ever lived through. AND on top of it all, my friend won tickets for the next night!!! And that was the night Selena Gomez came out, AKA my other QUEEN!!!! I fell on the floor and cried, okay?? The two best nights of my life, honestly.

Anyway, I wrote this all to say that I cannot find the words to describe how grateful I am for Taylor Swift. She has been here for me for 11 years of my life… that is more than half of my existence. Her words made me feel less alone when times got hard, and they also made me feel more alive when times were good. I appreciate her for always being kind to us, sticking by us through all the ups and downs, and going out of her way to make us smile. I will never ever be able to thank her enough for writing the soundtrack for my life and for being the big sister I never had. I didn’t realize until right now, as I’m writing this, that each album came out at the perfect time in my life. Each album represents and fits each stage of life that I was experiencing at the time of each release. I can’t even tell you how much I love this woman and I will always look up to her. She means the world to me and I can only hope to meet her, hug her, and tell her exactly how thankful I am for her and how much I love and appreciate her. I can’t wait to hear Lover and analyze every word when it comes out! Thank you, Taylor, for everything.

Love, Carly

@taylorswift @taylornation

[everyday-effing-therapy]

04/06/2020

Hello,

There are so many things I want to say. Hell, there are so many things I have on my mind, which make me uneasy or unable to sleep.

Listen, I know that I don’t really have a following here per se and probably every single post gets only a couple of reads, hopefully, but I like writing here mostly because I can put things “on paper”. Save them for later. Be able to read them and know what was happening with my mind during a certain time. That’s why I’d like to post more here, because in situation of posting every day, or even every other day you are able to follow the events much closer and more accurately. 

However, there are times when I don’t really feel so good. The pressure of school, future, hopes and dreams becomes unbearable. And although that’s probably the time where I should post the most, because this therapy, everyday effing therapy, is one of the best things I have, but at those times I feel so unmotivated that I can’t bring myself to actually write or post.

When I start writing, I want to post on the same day. It doesn’t have to be in an hour or two, but in general, I find it really hard to relate to content or post I started writing even a day or two before. I forget what I wanted to write, what the order was supposed to me which makes me discouraged. 

My art teacher once said that he is going to try to give us assignments that we can complete during only one lesson. The reason behind that was that in a week you are going to be a different person than you are today and a week ago you were a different person that you are today.

I was afraid of our art teacher, but I guess overall he never hurt me, never said anything rough, never dismissed me. I was doing the project with him and I feel safe to say that he became my inspiration in life, although I can’t really say I liked him. 

You have no idea how many drafts of posts I have saved. I don’t know, maybe one day I’ll post them. Short stories, with almost no visible meaning. 

Thay mean something to me though. Every single day is a blessing, which I am deeply aware of. The fact that I can feel like shit and not want to leave my bed is one hell of a paradox, but that’s something that happens to everyone. 

I am trying to remain positive, but I guess in the light of recent event, the Black Lives Matter movement, I got really pensive, which furthermore influenced my already not-so-good mental state. Seeing posts on social media made me rethink a lot of my actions. I firmly believe that we are the spactators of a much needed change and I am remaining hopeful for the future. I am sending all love and light to my black comrades everywhere. 

I miss my friends. Like hell. I’ve seen V twice since March and I’ve been talking on the phone with her somewhat regularly, but since the middle of May we stopped. Our exams are approaching, they start on Monday and we are scared shitless. 

The entire country created this habit of telling seniors that the end of school exams are the most important thing in their lives, which puts exorbitant pressure on us.

See, when I am left alone for a prolonged period of time, I start hurting.

I tried dealing with it, so I started listening to music, songs I haven’t heard before or albums I didn’t have the time to listen to. It’s amazing, but it just builds the pressure furthermore. 

I guess my lacking state stems from me being alone, which is quite a normal and regular thing to happen. Usually, my lows happen in winter, when it’s cold and dark and then during holidays when I’ve been alone for a prolonged period of time and managed to get bored with literally anything. 

I do need some alone time, certainly when I’m forced to deal with a lot of people every single day. I am a people’s pleaser, in a way, always trying to descalate conflicts, be actually nice, helpful and get along with others. Because of that, the quarantine cerainly helped, because I was a shell of a human in March, my relationships were a mess, I was lost and unable to deal with anything.

It’s not that much better, the ache in my chest is killing me, but the situation’s different and that’s what matters. I let go of the people who don’t fight to keep my in their lives (cause how long can a relationship exist when you’re the only one trying). 

I started spending time with myself, finally exercising more, eating less, drinking more water, caring about my hair, studying too, and, I guess, amidst all of that I realised that I can go on like that for three-four months and then I’ll start needing people desperately.

You know, I just want to go out with my friends, have a house party maybe, get absolutely mortal, hold their hands and hug them like I always do. They don’t exchange the surprised stares anymore, because they got used to it, used to me being like that. It feels like yesterday that we came into that school, hopeful and pure and now we’re leaving it like a battlefield with scars covering our souls. I don’t want that to make us less caring, less loving, less tender. 

I miss my closest friends V and Su, I miss my angels from English class and the knowledge that we’ll never sit like that again makes me sad beyond comprehension.

I miss my sweetest girls, the ones that hyped me up and the ones that were always there to listen. I miss the smartypants of my class. I miss the boys I talked to before classes. I miss Black, Silver and Gold. 

To be honest, I just want the exams to come. So that I am able to go to school, deal with them, see people.

And breathe with relief. 

Was high school the best thing in my life? I guess it’s hard to tell, in some ways yes and in some ways no. It was so much different than I was expecting and then it was also what I was expecting. It was happiness and sadness, being brokenhearted and healing, feeling how it is to not understand something, to fight, to try to understand yourself.  

It was a time of great concerts, sleepovers with friend, tons of parties, getting absolutely mortal, falling in love, being rejected, being wanted, feeling pretty, feeling myself and then losing myself as well. Loving the classes, hating the classes, being everything.

Sometimes I forget how amazing the days are, so enriching and filling you with a sense of calmness that no one can replace. 

But well, it’s almost summer now. It finally started being warmer, I am jamming to older songs, sitting in my room with a computer and I feel such nostalgia that it’s impossible to describe.

I fight everyday. I fight to do things, to study, to write posts, to care about my hair an exercise and not just lie in bed reading fanfiction or watching YouTube. You have to live your life before you start spending hours on following somebody else’s. 

If you are struggling, i wish you all the best, all the light ahead of you. Be happy during your journey. Stay safe.

With love,

C

[agirlnamedally]

Come on girl, share your Taylor thought breakdown with us please and thank you

haha okay this is what i sent:

He already knows rep and lover really well (better than me) but not so much the older albums, so those are the ones i went through. He was planning on listening to each album and I said I’d give him my recommendations, going backwards in chronological order so as not to overwhelm him immediately with young Tay country world haha.

Red

Red (this song makes me feel like driving somewhere and once you know the chorus it’s the most fun to sing along. Great bridge)

Treacherous (I only re-realised yesterday what an incredible song this is. Favourite lyrics: “all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along”. AMAZING bridge at 2:55. Also feels like a car belt out song. Another great lyric: “nothing safe is worth the drive”)

All Too Well (widely known as one of he lyrically best songs ever, it was originally 15 minutes and had to be cut down. This bridge hits the soul: “YOU CALL ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE, SO CASUALLY CRUEL IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST”. Damn. Truly one of the best bridges of all time and so satisfying to sing. So honest and vulnerable. Also love the imagery of “here we are again in the middle of the night, dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light”)

Holy Ground (this song is underrated in my opinion, it feels like meeting someone for the first time and having an immediate connection, “spinning like a girl in a brand new dress, we had this big wide city all to ourselves” it’s those moments when you feel like your life is a movie)

Starlight (my friends don’t care for this song at ALL but it means so much to me. Written when she was dating Connor Kennedy - JFK’s grandson - and heard stories from his grandma Ethel about their love, so wrote this song from her perspective. It’s so sweet and sparkly about love in 1945. Favourite lyric: “he’s talking crazy, dancing with me, we could get married and teach them how to dream”

Speak Now (my current fave TS album)

Mine (one of my ALL TIME FAVOURITE Taylor songs. Brings back the happiest memories. Not sure if this would be counted as Too country but it’s just so pure and love-filled. “You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter”

Sparks Fly (mostly for the bridge, “keep on keeping your eyes on me… just wrong enough to make it feel right // I’m captivated by you baby like a firework show)

Dear John (this one is on par with All Too Well as one of her best written, most vulnerable. Hard to listen to as a Mayer fan but it’s just the perspective of a 19 year old who got in too deep. Incredible bridge [shocking]: “you are an expert at sorry, and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests. All the girls that you run dry, have dried lifeless eyes cause you burned them out. But I took your matches before fire could catch me, so don’t.. look… now…. I’m SHINING LIKE FIREWORKS OVER YOUR SAD! EMPTY! TOWN!!!!!!”

The Story Of Us (fun, upbeat, cute, very early Taylor Swift which is somewhat similar to Lover the album. Fairytale kinda love)

Enchanted (SUCH A GOOD SONG OMG. The imagery in these lyrics is amazing. This song builds so much it’s practically the definition of a granger. “Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you”. Feels like meeting someone in a fleeting moment, locking eyes and needing to see them again.

Better Than Revenge (A petty, fun song. Written after Joe Jonas broke her heart and dumped her in a 30 second phone call and then wrote an awful song called Much Better about his new girlfriend. Super tongue in cheek and a little immature but when you’re a teenager and you feel like someone stole your boyfriend you gotta write it out. We stan.)

Last Kiss (a song for if you’re still in love with someone. I don’t listen to this as much but it’s beautiful. I have a playlist called “that July ninth” because of it)

Long Live (one of her best songs ever. So much amazing imagery again. Typical American high school nostalgia for a time I never lived through. An incredibly unifying, empowering song. Dedicated to her band and team, so it holds a lot of love. Amazing song to hear live. “Long Live all the magic we made” is a lyric I wrote on my arm for one of her shows. Gorgeous bridge in this too - shocking, I know.

Fearless.

The Other Side Of The Door (super country song, feels like a fight in the first relationship in small town Pennsylvania or wherever she’s from, sO fun and the most iconic bridge of all time: “with your face and the beautiful eyes, the conversation with the LITTLE! WHITE! LIES! And the faded picture of a beautiful night, you CARRY ME FROM YOUR CAR TO THE STAIRS. I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?? After everything and that LITTLE! BLACK! DRESS! After everything I must confess, I neeeeed you”

Fearless (my favourite song ever, from 2008 til about 2015. So cute. “We’re driving down the road, I wonder if you know, I’m trying so hard not to get caught up now. But you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair - absentmindedly MAKING ME WANT YOU.” Also the bridge “well you stood there with me in the doorway, my hands shake, I’m not usually this way, but you pull me in and I’m a little more brave. It’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, really something - it’s fearless.”

Hey Stephen (one of my other favourites of all time)

You Belong With Me (I’m sure you know this one. Absolute bop. Best music video with a steamy feature from love of my life Lucas Till).

Tell Me Why (never fully appreciated violins until I heard this song. Great song if you’ve been wronged by someone or been in a toxic relationship and can’t understand it. “I take a step back, let you go. I told you I’m not bulletproof, now you know”.)

Forever & Always. (People love to critique Taylor or blaming relationship breakdowns on the other person, but almost all of her breakup songs are her questioning what she did wrong. This is an example of that. “Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest?” She wrote this about Joe Jonas too.

Change. (SUCH A POWERHOUSE SONG. A song to unify, unite and empower. “Tonight we’ll stand, get off our knees, fight for what we worked for all these years. The battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives, but we’ll stand up - champions tonight.”)

Omg I forgot The Story Of Us which has some of the best lyrics ever including “you held your pride like you should have held me”

Taylor Swift

The only song you need to listen to from her first album right now is I’m Only Me When I’m With You. It’s so great and beautiful. “Friday night beneath the stars, in a field behind your yard, you and I are painting pictures in the sky. Sometimes we don’t say a thing, just listen to the crickets sing, everything I need is right here by my side.”

and that concludes the Taylor Swift discography review you never asked for.”

he said “Man, I love your insight. You think and appreciate things on a whole other level to anyone else I’ve met” 

if he plays his cards right i’ll give him an education on the jonas brothers too